Promise of A Lifetime
by Ms. Mumpsimus
Summary: Two years ago, Kanda threw something akin to his life – something he forbade himself to desire long ago, but ended up desiring anyway. "To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything."
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN –MAN.

**Summary: **Two years ago, Kanda threw something akin to his life – something he long ago forbidden himself to desire – but he did anyway._ "To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything."_

**Edited:** December 13, 2010 (I edited (added and removed) some parts. Unfortunately still UNBETAed.

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**"_Life doesn't hurt that much _**

**_until you think about how much things have changed, _**

**_who you've lost along the way, _**

**_and how much of it was your fault."_**

_._

_._

_._

**_No pulse…_**

_Is he dead? Call the medical team! _

**_The other boy was still breathing! _**

_Go get a stretcher! Hurry!_

_The other's dead?_

**_Yeah…Time of death: 6:45pm._**

_How about the other boy? _

**_He's breathing, labored, but breathing nevertheless. We need to get him to the hospital immediately! _**

_It seems like he protected this boy… with his body._

_That explains the injuries he received. His body was almost… unrecognizable. _

_._

_._

_._

Kanda Yuu opened his eyes and sat abruptly at the edge of the huge dark-blue bed. He felt that usual tinge of pain again in the left side of his chest and he was sure as hell that he just dreamt of that unforgiving dream again. His face, as empty of emotion as ever betrayed the chaotic feelings whirling inside of him. He stared at the small light coming from the left window of his room where he can hear those little chirpings of the morning birds that were fond of circling at the gingko tree outside every dawn. Kanda dragged himself to the bathroom and stared at his reflection illuminating in the mirror. The image was a wonderful picture emptiness – a lifeless soul inside a worthless human body. His long deep blue hair was loose in its usual pony tail and his shirtless upper body was showing an unhealthy shade of white – much paler than its usual flush. He tore his eyes away from the lifeless image in the mirror and sluggishly went to the bathtub, plunging himself onto it without even setting the normal temperature usual for morning baths. The young man almost jumped at the hostile and low temperature but forced himself to remain. He shuddered violently at the freezing water, teeth suddenly grinding. Sometimes, Kanda punishes himself in every way possible – _even in the feeblest way possible known to man_. As long as he can feel some pain and suffering through it, and it makes Kanda feel… a little bit alive… and that's all that matters to the raven man.

After his cold bath, his gaze lingered at the thing hanging near the sink at the left side of the room. A dark-blue towel was carefully tucked together with his blackberry cellular phone and a map. Kanda continued to stare at the inanimate object, not even blinking as he walked his way towards the sink. The cold floor was as merciless as the freezing water in the morning and a different kind of warm feeling was suddenly shrouding Kanda as he stared at the towel in front of him. A warm feeling that he didn't only ignored before, but cruelly and hardheartedly shunned that now brings Kanda that kind of excruciating pain on his chest over and over again - thumping and thrashing onto his heart, begging and viciously working its way to be free.

His face, now agonizingly distorted of immense pain, grabbed the little piece of fabric onto his hands and brought it in to his face – where tiny blobs of tears were now threatening to fall down to his ruggedly pale cheeks.

"Allen…"

.  
.

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"_Yuu! C'mon! It's your birthday yet you are secluding yourself here. Why don't you join us at the garden?"  
A red-haired boy was tugging Kanda's arms, insisting that he join that revelry outside the huge mansion, decorating the colossal garden of their family with embellishment that will make any boy their age drool. _

"_C'mon, Yuu! Don't be a killjoy. It's your party!"_

"_Stop pulling my hand Lavi. I'm fine here inside. You go there yourself."_

"_But it's your birthday party!"_

"_Exactly." He threw Lavi his infamous death glare. "It's my 'birthday party', so I'll decide whether I'll go there or not. Now, scram."_

_Lavi sighed and stared at the fifteen year old boy of a cousin and pouted. Yuu was such a spoiler. Their uncle tried his hardest to organize this celebration but the star wasn't even interested! He sighed again, shifting his stance. "Alright, I won't force you now. But you definitely have to go there later, okay? The kid was waiting there, you know. He was so excited this morning about your birthday."_

_Kanda silently stirred upon hearing that._

"_He got you a present. He personally knitted that, you know. I heard from his old man that the kid stayed late for a week just to finished that before this day. Don't make him cry, Yuu."_

_Kanda just tch'ed and continue reading the book on his palm. _

_After a minute of silence, a sound of feet running suddenly echoed on Kanda's ears. His heartbeat quickened, making the young man loose his concentration in reading. _

"_Kanda! Kanda!"_

_That voice. _

_It's him. _

"_Kanda! Kanda!"_

_Kanda gathered all the animosity that he could muster. _

"_Shut the fuck up moyashi. I'm reading here." He said, loud enough to be heard by the 'unexpected' guest. _

_The hurrying footsteps diminished. After a few seconds, a familiar white hair suddenly popped at the threshold of his room. _

"_What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked even if he knew exactly why the eleven-year-old boy was here. _

_The kid flinched at the harsh words and stiffened when he saw that Kanda wasn't exactly at his best mood – not that Kanda has any 'best' mood. _

"_I-I brought you y-your p-present… K-kanda-nii…"_

_The long-haired kid's eyes narrowed and his lips twitched in annoyance. _

"_I don't want it." He deadpanned, still eyeing the fidgeting kid in front of him who visibly flinched when he heard his response. _

_A painful minute of silence passed through them. Kanda, who was still as cold as ever even though he wasn't talking, glared at the kid that was now trembling in Kanda's presence. A small pang of guilt washed through Kanda's chest when he saw the kid's face reddened while gripping a nice silver-blue box behind his back. The long-haired man bit his lips, not allowing himself to say anything while guilt and ache painstakingly stabbing him in his very core. _

"_I-I understand… I'll just b-buy you a-another one a-again then. W-what would you l-like to have Kanda-nii?" He said, his voice was unmistakably masked with faked happiness while showing Kanda his toothy smile. _

_"I don't want anything."_

_The white-haired kid looked down on his shoes. "I-is that so…"_

_Silence again._

_"H-how about a n-new sweater Kanda- ni – "_

_"Can't you understand? I do not want anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?" Kanda's voice was burning and the younger kid trembled at the sight of this. _

_"I-I u-understand… H-happy birthday… Kanda-nii…" he said smiling and dropped his head. This made Kanda cringe and bite his lips. He's rudely pushing him away, provoking him, making him hate Kanda and yet the kid still greeted him, smiling, on top of that._

_The kid slowly turned his back on Kanda and hurriedly ran away from the birthday celebrant, leaving the older boy gritting his teeth in immense self-loathing. _

_A loud bang in the table was heard echoing in that room afterwards and dripping of some spill of blood. _

_Kanda was utterly confused – and downright angry at himself. _

_._

_._

_After the party, which ended without him joining on it, much to his family dismay, the birthday celebrant strode outside the grand hallway of the mansion, his feet seeking someone from the room at the end of the antechamber. He slowly opened the huge and meticulously crafted door that made no sound as he continued opening it, revealing a colossal bedroom that was painted with spotless color of white. A huge bed with satin covers was cuddling a white-haired kid and an unopened gift was beside him, his right hand hugging the silver-blue box. A tender pair of eyes watched the kid as he calmly breathed while eyes were visibly swollen and showed an utterly obvious indication the he cried to sleep. Kanda gritted his teeth while slowly taking the box away from the kid's grasp and a hushed and gentle 'thanks' was heard whispering in the wind. _

_._

_._

_._

Kanda preceded to his regular routines every break of the day. He made his breakfast – bergamot tea and loaves of bread – as he reads his morning newspaper. He'll read the section where missing people was posted wearing a blatantly bushed face expression even though he just woke up as he checked his own ad that he posted ten months ago – that he made sure to renew every week just to be sure that people from across the city and the outskirts of the town could read it. Those people could probably already memorize all the content of the advertisement, maybe sick of it by now – but Kanda couldn't care less. The newspaper company had already told him too that he should stop renewing because ten months was just too long for an ad and those ugly faces had the nerve to advised him that he should probably give-up because maybe the person he was looking for was already outside the country by now that just earned a death-defying yell and glare from him. Some people had already called, claiming that they knew the person in the ad's whereabouts, giving the long-haired man a tiny glimpse of hope that maybe, after months of suffering and sleepless nights, he could finally dropped his knees in front of that person and finally seek forgiveness – if he would ever forgive him, that is. He always dreamt about him – about how he was suffering – crying while asking for his help. Agony was contorting his beautiful and naive face and those ash-colored eyes were glistening of anguish and misery. Yet, even in dreams, he still don't know where he is – he still couldn't help him – and most of all, he still couldn't reach him no matter how far he ran and no matter how loud he scream. It was always the same – he will always wake up alone, sometimes even screaming his name.

Kanda was always the first one to arrive at the meeting place given by the caller only to find out later that some damned human was just trying to get fucking money from him, which what Kanda exactly did – he just shoved it to the damnable creature's mouth, making sure that those bastards died choking on it.

Then, after a while, he'll go to the obituaries section and as he much hated doing it, he knew that had to. He had to search everywhere. His heart was always racing whenever he read that section and he felt that his heart was always doomed to stop beating every time he find a name starts with letter 'A'. Television and radio stations, police, and even the internet – he already tried all of those. But none had successfully brought him the information he desperately needed. It's as if that person was constantly avoiding Kanda. And that 'he' knew that he was searching for him and he was dreadfully erasing any information about himself.

After that, he will check his e-mail and his many accounts in different sites that help people to find their missing loved ones and offer support.

There were a lot of sites that Kanda joined these last few months. He clicked a new site that he saw and waited patiently as he opened the website.

**_Missing People offers a lifeline for the 250,000 people who run away and go missing each year. For those left behind, we search and provide specialized support to end the heartache and confusion. Registered Charity No. 1020419._**

Kanda clicked the 'Join' button and filled up necessary information about his case. He never got tired doing all of this every day. If that meant that he was getting close to finding him again, then so be it. But unfortunately, Kanda still remained in the dark. The longing was almost killing him and it didn't help knowing the fact that he was the one who drove that person away from his side.

He can still remember that day where the smells of blood like rusting iron was painfully swirling right under his nose – where it was almost suffocating him, enabling him to walk forward the scene. There was a immense amount of blood dripping everywhere Kanda laid his eyes, and the almost unrecognizable body of his cousin, brutally killed in a freak accident with his close friend who miraculously survived, was being dragged in front of him. He felt his hands furiously trembled but at the same time, his body and mind was slowly becoming numb.

The world, after spinning so fast on Kanda suddenly came to halt.

Lavi Bookman, age 21, was declared dead on the spot while Allen Walker, 15 years old, was declared alive.

_._

.

.

Lavi was a red-haired kid and Kanda's only known cousin. They both lived in their Uncle Froi Tiedoll's house who both treated them like a real father would. The red-haired kid was the cheerful one while the long-haired kid was always the reserved one. Kanda was eight years old and Lavi was nine when Allen first came to their life who was only three years old then. He was with his father (or so they first thought) named Mana Walker and the kid's cheerfulness was almost akin to Lavi's except to the patently difference when it comes to manners. The kid instantly liked the boys calling them _nii-chan_. Since then, the three of them became inseparable.

Lavi was the constant companion of Allen. The two of them were always playing and never did Lavi left the kid on his own. Kanda, on the other hand, remained detached to the world. He was persistently being bugged by his cousin to have fun and play with the kid but he will just glare at Lavi that will automatically make Allen cry. Lavi will now move to his last resort: to make Yuu-chan guilty with his 'Aww.. You made him cry Yuu! You're bad! Bad!' words and it was always (surprisingly) effective. Gritting his teeth, Kanda will attempt to soften his face, removing any marks of scowls and the likes as he patted the kid the snowy locks of Allen.

"D-don't cry. I-i'm not angry at you."

The adorable white-haired will now be sniffling, and will try to contain his cries. If Kanda-nii said so, then it's the truth. He will slowly approach his Kanda-nii and hugged him while the three year-old kid closed his eyes. There was always peace when he was with these two people. A warm feeling he always felt when Mana was holding his hands. And for that, it was alright for Allen to get shouted by Kanda. If that meant that he can hug him like this, then it was more than enough to the kid.

Lavi knew that his cousin also loves seeing the white-haired kid running inside their home – hearing his lively laughter that they knew they desperately needed to hear. The red-haired kid was quite aware that his cousin was just too stubborn to show these things to Allen. It was Kanda who had the most painful past after all. While Lavi had already learned how to masked his emotions and act happy whenever he pleases, Kanda remained repugnant and hostile towards people who tried approaching him. This Lavi knew well. That's why he always made sure that Kanda always see Allen whenever the kid's inside Tiedoll's mansion. The kid always cries whenever he saw the long-haired kid, but had developed a habit of clinging onto Kanda until he succumbed to sleep.

Lavi, watching at the sideline, will smile widely as watched his cousin awkwardly hugging a certain albino-head kid while warmth and affection were radiating on his aura and undeniably leaking through his deep-blue eyes.

Life never did treat these three fair.

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.

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"_The bitterest tears shed over graves_

_are for words left unsaid _

_and deeds left undone."_

_

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**Author's Note:** This will be a two-part story – originally. I dunno. I actually planned to make this a long one-shot but I was kinda having problems writing this long.

Please review :) They're forever welcome… And it **always **motivates people to write more, believe me. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN –MAN.

**Summary: **Two years ago, Kanda threw something akin to his life – something he long ago forbidden himself to desire – but he did anyway._ "To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything."_

**A/N I:** More flashbacks. And more flashbacks. Thanks for those six wonder people who reviewed. Arigatou gozaimasu!

**waterlit/The Puppeteer Master/Timeless Moment/EXO718/BlueStar/Kichou**

Unbeta'ed.

* * *

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.

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**Entrapment**

Christopher

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_Hopelessly bound  
unfettered  
by the chains of love's grip  
- greatest gift,  
fate's cruelest curse.  
__**  
**__Wherefore do I weep  
at knowing the joy,  
the warmth,  
at feeling the peace,  
the fire._

_Wherefore do I weep  
unable to complete,  
to be,  
unknown the kiss,  
the flames._

_Wherefore do I weep  
at loving not living  
seeing not touching  
breathing not sharing  
holding not loving?_

_All,  
because I, _

_The Fool,  
am no more?_

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.

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_Kanda, age seventeen, was walking down the deserted hallway early in the morning, where the mansion's personal library dwelled near the room where Allen usually sleeps whenever he was in the manor. The room officially became his own thanks to their uncle who visibly sparkled upon learning the kid's frequent sleep-overs. He was downright ecstatic, actually. _

_That happened five years ago._

"_That'll be so great Allen-kun! You, living here with me, Lavi-kun and Yuu-kun!"_

"_N-no, Mr. Tiedoll. I'm just borrowing the room and –"_

"_Nonsense! Treat that room as yours. Decorate it, bring your favorite stuff toy and you can even bring Mana with you!"_

_The kid, gaping at the moment suddenly perked with interest. _

"_I c-can bring M-mana, Mr. Tiedoll?"_

"_Of course you can but in one condition."_

"_W-what is it?"_

"_You will call me Uncle Froi from now on!"_

_So in short, the room became Allen's. Lavi couldn't be more happy. _

_Kanda sighed in exasperation when he saw the kid's room door opened. Leaving the room open – that's just like Allen. He slowly approached the room but as he held the door knob to close it, he saw a black figure moved inside Allen's room. He instantly thought of thieves. He readied himself to charge to confront and gnaw the bastard to death but he immediately halted when he saw who the figure was. _

_Lavi._

_He stopped and was forced to observe his cousin's movements. He was hovering in the bed where Allen was deeply asleep. The room's dark but Kanda can clearly see his cousin's silhouette inside. For some unknown reason, his heart ramming within his chesty and an unpleasant feeling was thrashing feverishly across his mind was invading his reason. He peeked through the slightly cracked door and listened agitatedly._

"…_for so long…" Kanda heard the murmurings vaguely resonating inside the dark room. His heart was pounding madly as he unconsciously fisted his right hand while gripping the door knob with his other hand tightly. _

There's nothing wrong with this. I'm just curious, that is all._ He tried to reason to himself._

_Kanda snugly closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathe. _

Nothing wrong… Nothing wrong… Nothing wro –

"_I love you… Allen… I loved you for so long…"_

_Kanda's eyes abruptly opened as his face paled._

_Inside, he saw Lavi gently kissed the sleeping kid.  
Kanda suddenly find it so hard to breathe. He trembled as he forced himself to walk away from the room – his mind kept on replaying what he saw. _

_Allen's a good kid, Yuu. _

_._

_He's important to me. _

_._

_Do you know how much the kid cried when he saw my wound? The kid's an angel…_

_._

_I'm going to his room. He's having a little problem sleeping alone you see._

_._

_You will like him, Yuu. _

_._

_I like him. _

_._

"_**I love you… Allen… I loved you for so long…"**_

_**.**_

_Kanda stumbled on his way to his room forgetting the real reason why he was out here in the first place. He saw his hands quivering and violently shaking. _

_Lavi loves Allen. _

_._

_**I-I brought you y-your p-present… K-kanda-nii…**_

_**Kanda-nii! Kanda-nii!**_

_**You're hair so soft… I love it!**_

_**Kanda-nii! Tincamppy and Rhode will going to play with me today! With you like to join with us?**_

_**You love me, right, Kanda-nii?**_

…_**love you… Kanda-nii… You won't leave me, right? Lavi-nii and Kanda-nii will always be with me… right?**_

.

_Kanda cupped his head and stared at the cold floor, horrified. _

_It can't be. This can't be happening. _

_These feelings… It can't be!_

_**Kanda-nii!**_

"_Shut up…" He was gripping his hair tightly while repeating the same words over and over again._

…_**love you… Kanda-nii… You won't leave me, right?**_

"_Shut up."_

_**You won't leave me, right?**_

_His grip tightened even more. _

_**You love me, right, Kanda-nii?**_

"_I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"_

_Kanda felt the last control he had over his head finally break. He gripped the first thing he grab with his hands and threw it to the nearest wall, smashing into millions of pieces. He was creating a mad rampage and he fucking didn't care. Vases, chairs, desks, even the most priced paintings of his uncle – they all met the same fate that day. _

_Broken. _

_Because that's what Kanda was feeling at that moment – his world was slowly and gradually falling apart. His chest felt like it was being pound with a heavy pounder, crushing his ribs and heart, not letting him breathe while destroying the little sanity he have over himself. _

_**You love me, right, Kanda-nii?**_

"_Shut up, damn moyashi." He snarled, clenching his teeth. "I hate you. I hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU!"_

_He was hurting. That, he all know of. _

_He was hurting and he cannot do anything about it. _

_But there was nothing he could do to stop himself in feeling it. _

_Because Allen wouldn't just let him. The little creep wouldn't let him. _

"_Fuck you, Allen Walker." _

_On his hurting state, Kanda find himself reminiscing a part of him he didn't know had been born because of Allen._

_._

_._

_**Kanda-nii!**_

_What? You're so loud, moyashi. What heck's you're problem?_

_Mana said that Lavi-nii and Kanda-nii will leave tomorrow…_

_Idiot. We are just going to buy a new painting for the house! We'll back in the afternoon. _

_A-are you sure?_

_Sure as hell._

_The kid suddenly hugged him. _

…_**love you… Kanda-nii… You won't leave me, right?**_

_Kanda's eyes flickered with something akin to tenderness. Something you will never catch lingering on the raven's eyes – ever. _

_**You won't leave me, right?**_

_**You love me, right, Kanda-nii?**_

_Yeah. _

_He ruffled the kid's soft white manes and smiled – a little. _

_**Kanda-nii…**_

_So, don't cry... _

_._

_._

_._

I love you, Allen. Very much. So don't cry…

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"_Maybe, in the end,_

_the answer really isn't so complex._

_A burden born by one can _

_often grow too heavy to bear._

_Maybe in the end,_

_each of us knows that sharing our pain_

_is the only way we can live with the hurt."_

_._

_._

_._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I tried jumping off the cliff, begging Hoshino-sensei but it didn't work out.

**A/N:** This is getting longer and longer... Oh, well. Thanks for all those reviews. ^_^ Mwah! Mwah!

**Unbeta'ed. **Please pardon the messy grammar and the likes. **  
**

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"_A brother who recognizes that we have shortcomings, _

_we, in the struggle, _

_have faults, _

_and that he wanted to reconcile differences._"

**Louis Farrakhan**

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.

Kanda slowly paced as he walk in the left side of the busy road. He made sure that he was looking left and right for any possible white haired people that he will ever come across the street. Anyone who has a white hair was being carefully watched by Kanda. Hours and hours passed him by – people and cars were leaving him behind the busy street as he continued his search. He then felt a loud grumble from his aching stomach that demanded to be filled in. Kanda threw one last look to the frayed playground hoping that he would see that person again swaying his favorite spot in the tattered swing. Kanda gripped his leather jacket as he huffed the cold morning's wind and walked away from the place where Allen used to pull Lavi and him to play when they were still kids. He smiled a bit as he slowly trudge the long sidewalk to the nearest restaurant. The three of them used to climb trees near this area before. Every tree that Kanda passed by was screaming Lavi and Allen's name and what the three of them used to have before. He felt his chest tightening again that accompanied by the loud grumbling of his stomach. He always felt pathetic whenever he will remember the stories of them from the long gone past – it's as if he was slowly killing himself by remembering Allen through his memory and clinching all that they had shared before. It was the only thing he could do after all – to reminisce about the past because his past was all that he have now. After he ate, he went back to his apartment and after he realized what he was doing, he already on his way to old mansion and was slowly walking towards the huge gate. Miranda was still there, and krory. The two most trusted people of his uncle. They greeted him as they hurriedly opened the gate. He took a long, good look at the mansion and sighed as he realized that nothing really changed from the physical aspect of the grand house. It was still as magnificent as before. He strolled the familiar hallway and his feet brought him at the front door of a very familiar room. Kanda smiled despite himself and felt his body shook with so much remorse. As pathetic as it may sound, Kanda was desperately hanging to what was left to him. He was pathetically holding on memories. Allen has taken everything away from him after all. When Allen left, he brought with him all his belongings – he did not spare anything. Allen took it all. Kanda never associated himself with trivial things as pictures. Lavi was the one who loved taking them. Thus, he didn't have any pictures of Allen. The things from Allen's room – from this room, were long ago gone, even before the accident.

Allen refused to stay in the mansion anymore. But he always visits. The bed was taken like all the other things in the room too. If Kanda had only known things will happen this way, then he will not allow his uncle to renovate the room where Allen used to stay. The only thing that the white-haired man left was the hospital gown back in the hospital that Allen was wearing that day which Kanda immediately took.

Kanda longingly stared at the empty room and a very familiar scene played onto his mind yet again as if it was happening once more right in front of him. The day when he saw Lavi kissed Allen was the day everything crumbled into tiny shards. The day when Kanda began his little journey to hell – is the day when he finally realized that Allen was more than a little brother to him – exactly what Lavi felt for the kid too.

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"_This is your cousin, Lavi. Lavi, this is Kanda. Be kind to each other okay?" Tiedoll smiled as he held the tiny shoulder's of Lavi and ruffled the shoulder-length hair of Kanda. That was the first time that Lavi know that he has a cousin and so was Kanda. They both lived their lives bouncing to relatives houses to houses because the two of them were both orphans – Lavi, at the age of seven and Kanda, at the age of six. _

_Lavi grinned as he took the small hand of his cousin and showed Kanda his famous toothy smile. Kanda winced as the saw the disgustingly sweet smile and tried to pull his hand away from the kid but unfortunately, his cousin didn't let go of his poor and now abused hand. _

"_From now on, i'll take care of you!" Lavi cheerfully declared while still gripping his hand. "Oh, by the way, are you a cry baby?" He innocently asked as he stared at the squirming kid beside him._

_Kanda automatically flared and he gave his famous death-glare to the pompous kid who dared called him 'cry baby'._

"_Who are you calling cry baby, you stupid red-haired skunk?" he shouted and buckled the right hand that was holding him._

_Lavi's eyes widened together of his mouth. He gaped at the wild animal that was still squirming in front of him. Kanda inwardly smirked as he struggled his way out to kid's unbelievably strong grip, immediately expecting a sudden indifference from him. People always leave him after he said rude things to them. They never stayed. Apathy was something he long ago accepted. He never believed that someone will accept him for what he truly was. Never did he wish for something as impossible as 'family' and 'friends'. He was doomed to be alone now and forever, that he was sure of. He never questioned the things happening around him. He was just mere garbage of the society and never will he be important to someone else. Kanda believed that and will continue to do so. He was an unwanted child after all. His parents deserted him, hated him, despised him – why would some unknown stranger be different? He was unwanted and he will stay as that as long as he live._

"_I like you!"_

_Kanda stopped his struggle as he heard that. His heart stopped and his usual small eyes widened in surprise. "W-what?"_

_Lavi hugged the arms that he was gripping and smiled brightly. "I said I like you! And besides, your my only cousin after all. Why I wouldn't like my only cousin? 'sides, your fun!"_

_Kanda was lost for words. This idiot was hugging his arm like a small teddy bear and squishing his gross cheeks full of sweat to him. Kanda was utterly stupefied to see a creature that smiled widely at him; stripped with pretensions and lies. Something inside Kanda burn and he felt his chest getting warm. He looked at the floor and hid his embarrassment behind his long locks._

"_Do you know that you're the most disgusting creature I've ever met?" Kanda silently retorted as he stopped struggling to the Lavi's grip. _

_Lavi smiled as widely like haven't done before. "I REALLY LIKE YOU, YU!"_

_Kanda's eyes immediately widened in surprise and rage – again. "How did you know that?"_

_Lavi snickered and pointed at his chest. _

_Kanda saw a name plate cheerfully hanging on his shirt, like it was taunting the grumpy kid._

"_THAT STUPID, LOOPY OLD MAN!"_

"_I like Yu better than Kanda. Let's play Yu!" Lavi pulled Kanda._

"_Don't call me that! I swear I'll kill you if you ever call – whoaah!"_

_Lavi didn't mind the small cursing and pulled the grouchy and ill-tempered kid to the playground, smiling widely despite the rampant cursing in the air._

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"_For you, a thousand times over."_

**Kite Runner**

**.**

**.**

_A friend is a brother who was once a bother. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: not mine.  
**

**Author's Notes:** ZZzzzzzzzz… Zzzzzzzzzzz…

**Warnings:** Angst. Distorted grammar. Angst. Distorted grammar.

_So you are dead…_

_The easy words contain_

_No sense of loss, no sorrow, no despair._

_Thus hunger, thirst, fatigue…_

_Combine to drain all feelings from our hearts._

_The endless glare, the brutal heat_

_Anaesthetize the mind._

_I cannot mourn you now…_

_I lift my load,_

_The suffering column moves._

_I leave behind_

_Only another corpse_

_Beside the road…_

_— __**Lt. Henry G. Lee**_

___**.**_

___**.**_

___**.**_

"_He's dead. Dead on the spot. Causes are severe head injuries, tissue damages and… and his body was totally wrecked… I suggest cremation. It would not be... uhm proper… to have him in casket…"_

_Kanda's world momentarily stopped. Everything stopped moving. That Lavi is dead… He stared at the body lying on the metal table covered in white sheet. He's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. _

_Kanda didn't dare to move from where he was standing, his feet was frozen on the floor. His body was shaking – he figured that it was from shock and from utter disbelief that something like this would happen to Lavi. He was so cheerful. He's obnoxious, yes, but he's a good, kind and happy man. _

_Lenalee was crying silently at the other side of the room. She was a family friend – a close friend of Lavi and Allen. She was the last one who heard the news because Kanda didn't bothered calling her. She probably heard the news from their neighbours, Kanda didn't particularly care. _

"_The other boy miraculously survived. I take it that he's also a family? He got a few minor injuries but nothing life-threatening. However, he is still under observation for a whole week, mainly to see what the other injuries he acquired in the accident are. I suggest that you let him rest for a whole month and… do not tell him what happened to his companion. It will be… outright devastating for him. That will hinder his recovery. "_

_Kanda's head was spinning as the doctor explained things to him. He didn't care though. He was feeling nauseous from the natural smell of the facilities in the hospital. He wanted to go home and rest and sleep. Leave everything and be gone forever. Lavi was dead. _

"_By the way, what was your relationship to the victim? We need to know for the documentation and such."_

_Kanda didn't bothered replying. He was not hearing him properly anyway. _

"_Sir?"_

_Lenalee rose to her seat and walked towards the two of them. Her eyes still puffy and red from non-stop crying, she tried to calm herself and cleared his throat then answered the doctor who was now staring at her and Kanda in a very peculiar way. "Lavi was… Kanda's older brother." _

_Kanda flinched at the words through his hazy mind. _

_Yeah. He lost the last person on this fetid, iniquitous world who shared the same blood as him, truly cared for him and the same rotten fate as him. _

_Lavi. His only brother._

_He reached the nearby chair and horridly slammed it to the cold floor._

_._

_._

_._

_The doctor sat at his swivel chair and gathered all the necessary documents for a young man named Lavi Bookman. He was utterly curious at the information written on the man's birth certificate. According to it, Lavi Bookman was the only child of an aristocrat couple that was killed fourteen years ago in a brutal car accident too; however, the kid was using the last name of his mother's name, 'Bookman'. Why not 'Kanda', the father's last name? It should be that way, right? _

_The doctor blinked upon seeing the information on 'siblings' part where it was clearly stated that Lavi Bookman was an only child. Didn't the woman outside said that that Kanda was Mr. Bookman's brother? _

_What does that mean?_

_The doctor slowly put down the papers and gently massaged his throbbing head. _

_._

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.

Kanda gently tapped the steering wheel of his car as he waited for the traffic light to turn to green. He was heading to the hospital now to check if a certain someone stopped there. It's part of his routine that he do every thrice a week – everyone at the hospital must have known him by now because of his daily visits to the place. But Kanda never felt himself getting tired. Not at all.

A familiar doctor was walking down the fourth floor of the fifteen-floor building and bowed to him. Kanda exactly did the same as he continued to walk towards his destination.

He slowly knocked at the white door and after a few second, the door swung open, revealing a kind-looking doctor that happened to be the exact doctor who had been entrusted of Lavi Bookman's accident case a year ago.

"Doctor." Kanda bowed and walked to the nearest chair and sat.

The doctor eyed the long-haired man as he sat in front of his desk. "How's it going Kanda-san?" He said as he gathered the scattered papers around his desk.

"Nothing new. How about here?"

The doctor momentarily stopped as he gazed to the expectant young man in front of him. He was hoping that Kanda wouldn't be here today. The process was slowly eating the doctor's heart away as he watched the young man wasting his time searching for someone who might be already dead by now. But of course, he wouldn't say that – not in front of Kanda.

"The same, I guess." He sat in his chair. "How about you?"

Kanda shifted his gazed through the papers scattered in the left side of the doctor's table. "Still the same."

"You still haven't seen him? Do you have any leads? His other relatives perhaps? How about abroad? Surely there must be someone that knows Allen." His voice silently cracked upon speaking Allen's name.

Kanda gently shook his head. "He's completely alone. No relatives whatsoever. No one." And gritted his teeth afterwards.

The doctor closed his eyes and sighed. "Then that will be troublesome then. Really troublesome."

Kanda gritted his teeth more ferociously. "Maybe there's something you missed. Maybe he's not really… that he's okay and, and…" Kanda couldn't just continue. He swallowed and looked up in the white ceiling of the room, closing his eyes. "He's fine, I know. He _should _be fine, doctor. I don't know what I would do if he's not and, and… _fuck." _Kanda stood and rushed to the door without sparing the doctor a single glance. He stopped though when reach the doorknob and spoke his face facing the door. "I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to him." He closed the door.

The doctor's eyes lingered on the close door and sighed once again.

_Then you should find him right away, Kanda. Before something irreversible happened. Something that might separate the two of you forever. _

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.

Kanda was walking down the stairs. He didn't use the elevator. He didn't want to walk right now but chances are, there are many people riding the elevator right now and that's the last thing he wanted. He just wanted to be alone. He looked at his wrist watch – it's already four in the afternoon. Another day had passed again yet still didn't have any idea where was Allen. He was walking and before he knew it, he already reached the fourth floor then something, no, _someone_ caught his eyes. A familiar white haired boy was standing in the front of a room in the middle of the hallway. He was wearing a whitish hospital gown, clutching a painfully familiar yellow golem stuff toy into his cradle.

"A-allen…?" Kanda huffed and tears were already making their way out of his eyes.

Kanda walked slowly through the image, afraid of losing it. Then he heard a loud banging inside the room where Allen was standing.

Kanda stopped.

He saw Allen flinched as he also heard the loud noise and slowly turned the knob of the door, opening it. Kanda slowly resume his walking, now a lot faster.

Allen entered the room but he unconsciously left the door opened, giving Kanda a chance to see what was happening inside.

His mouth widened in disbelief as stared at the two people trying to restrain a long-haired young man thrashing and widely throwing things in different direction.

Kanda's eyes darted to Allen's and he didn't like what he saw.

He's crying.

From all his life, all he ever did to Allen was to make him cry…

His eyes looked back at the three people inside and he swallowed hard.

"_Let me go! Go fuck yourselves and leave me alone!"_

"_Kanda! Stop it!"_

"_Mister, please don't cause a commotion here! There are patients at the other room and –"_

"_I don't fucking care about them! Those fucking people don't even know anything! You don't know anything!"_

Kanda stood there utterly frozen. He felt his insides becoming numb as he watched the scene happening right in front of him.

"_K-kanda…"_

Kanda heard Allen spoke through his tears and he saw _him_ slowly turned _his _head to the white-haired kid – hatred was imminent in _his_ eyes. Kanda swallowed as he clenched his fist. "No…"

"_You…" Kanda stopped his struggling and stared devilishly to the trembling and crying kid in front of them. "Why are you alive?"_

_Lenalee snapped at him. "Kanda!"_

_But Kanda didn't listen to him. "Why are you alive? Why the fuck are you alive and Lavi is dead? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE AND LAVI IS DEAD?"_

"_STOP IT, KANDA!" Lenalee shouted._

_Allen froze._

"_Why the fuck are you alive? Tell me? Why Lavi died?"_

_Lenalee tried to make Allen leave but the boy just remained there, absorbing all the words of Kanda._

_Then the shouting stopped. _

_Lenalee and the doctor thought it was the end of it. That the long-haired man would now snap out of it._

_Then they heard him spoke again – much colder this time. _

"_Lavi should be the one alive. Not you. Why aren't you the one who died?"_

"_Stop it, Kanda!" Lenalee tried to stop the words from flowing from Kanda's mouth. But he just simply brushed it aside._

_Allen's eyes were wide and visibly flinching and trembling to the harsh words. _

"_Aren't you ashamed that Lavi was dead but here you are, still alive when you are the one who supposed to be dead right now?"_

"_Kanda! Please, stop it! Allen was hurt too!"_

_Kanda stared coldly at the wobbly kid._

"_Why don't you just drop dead?" He said, his voice was laced with purest hatred, agony and misery he could ever muster that time. _

_Allen stopped trembling, his grip on his old stuff toy loosened. The yellow thing dropped on the floor and before they know it, Allen was gone._

_._

_._

_._

Kanda cried. The familiar tightness on his chest was there again. It was gripping his heart thwarting his breathing and mocking his tears.

It was all his fucking fault.

_His eyes were severely damaged Kanda. We were so wrong when we thought that he survived the incident totally unscathed. There's a big possibility that his sight would deteriorate and worse, be blind after a year without a proper operation. The kid left without knowing this, Kanda._

All of it.

.

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.

_There is sacredness in tears. _

_They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. _

_They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. _

_They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, _

_of deep contrition, _

_and of unspeakable love._

**Washington Irving**

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**Author's Notes:** And that's the end of it (?) That's the heavy price that Kanda must pay. He will be forever searching for Allen but he will never find him. THE END. (?)

Unless of course, you people want something _much _better ending for the two right?

Well, maa ii.

Thanks for reading. Oh, let me know if you people still want me to continue this, okay? I wouldn't know if you wouldn't tell me.

Ja na!


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything! NOOOOOOOO!

**Author's Notes:** *bows* Thanks for all those kind reviewers who reviewed despite the sheer miserable grammar and plot of this story. ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA.

* * *

_**"Nobody will get it for you. You have to get it yourself."**_

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.

_Ring! Ring!_

Kanda growled when he heard his goddamn handset rang for the third time that early morning. He almost ripped the tangled comforter on his body and snatched the fucking ringing cellular phone on his bedside table.

_I fucking swear to God I'll kill this fucking insensitive twerp…_

"What the fuck?" He shouted as he scratched his head and sat at his bed.

"_Yo! Kanda-kun! Good morning to you too. As cheerful as always huh? I have a job for you! Kagakura-san had requested you, therefore, you are to fly to Osaka this week to arrange the contact and to make sure that –" _He vehemently threw the cellular phone back to the table. The annoying caller was Kojie, his 'somehow' manager.

Kanda didn't bother hearing the rest. He slumped again on his bed at buried his head to the soft pillow.

Soft…

_Soft like Allen's hair. _

He gritted his teeth. That was pathetic. Downright pitiable. If Lavi were to hear him right now, the red hair will definitely laugh his ass off.

_Allen…_

He's going to be insane one of these days. Definitely going to be insane.

_Allen… Where are you?_

Kanda buried his head to the pillow a little more deeper.

How pathetic… His life, that is.

_Ring! Riiiing!_

Kanda threw the phone, now lying on the edge of the table, a death glare as if it will stop its annoying ringing. He decided to ignore it. He doesn't have a time hearing those kinds of shits.

RING! RIIINGG! As if the thing sensed that it was going to be ignored by Kanda, it rang more piercingly this time.

"What the fuck!" Kanda grabbed the phone and almost crushed it with his hand. "What the fuck Kojie? I'm not fucking interested, you hear me? So could you fucking stop calling this fucking number and go fuck yourself!" He shouted, his voiced was laced with deathly tone.

"_WAIT, KANDA-KUN! Listen to me first!"_

Kanda let out an annoyed growl and hissed at the phone. "What?"

"_Please, listen first, Kanda-kun."_

"Stop calling me Kanda-kun asshole."

"_Okay. I got it! Just Kanda. I need you to listen to me first, okay?"_

Kanda didn't answer. But he was on the verge of cutting the call and closing his phone for good. He certainly didn't have time for this.

"_You remember Kagakura-san, right?"_

"No." He deadpanned.

Kojie sighed. He knew that Kanda was being ridiculously hard-headed again.

"_Kagakura-san was the one who bought your paintings three years ago. The kind-looking widow who said that your painting had heart?"_

"Paintings are inanimate objects. Therefore, they do not have a heart." Kanda tched as he brushed a handful strands of his long hair veiling his face.

He heard the man sighed again.

"_Yeah, I know that Kanda. I mean…. Geez! I mean, it seems like she fancy your works okay? So that's why she is hiring you as an artist in her beach mansion in Okinawa. That's would be a big contract. Not to mention that you can definitely unwind there and at the same time you'll be able to get your life back on track again. Painting is your life Kanda, we all know that."_

Kanda didn't answer. He just looked beyond the glass door of the room, his hair was being gently swayed by the cold wind outside his opened window.

"_Kanda, please think about it. Your uncle is very worried about you."_

The morning breeze had invaded his lungs. Funny how something as soothing as the wind brought Kanda in shambles of misery. Allen love cold winds. He remembered one time when Allen was gone missing and Lavi ran to him screaming that Allen was gone astray. Then Tiedoll laughed and told him that Allen was just hanging around the playground outside the mansion because the wind was strong there. After a minute of running like mad dogs, the two of them found the kid sitting at a swing, eyes were closed and smiling.

Kanda flinched at the memory.

"Are you done?" He asked, his voice was laced with blatant coldness.

Kojie sighed in defeat. "Yes."

Convincing the young man was an impossible task after all.

Kanda threw the phone at his bed after he ended the call without saying goodbye and slumped at the floor. He rested his forehead on his left knee and sighed in frustration.

Just what the fuck was he supposed to do? He growled in annoyance. Fate hated him and the feeling was mutual. He was on the verge of thrashing and throwing all the things he could reach inside his room when his eyes suddenly touched a white hospital gown hanging meticulously around the corner of his room. It was wrapped in transparent plastic and a few stains could be seen all over the white cloth. Kanda never washed the dress. Since the day he found out that it was all that was left by Allen, he never washed it – he wouldn't. Since that day… Since that day in the hospital…

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"_Kanda! Kanda!" Lenalee was running like mad searching for the long-haired man. Two days! It took her two days to notice that Allen was no longer at the hospital. That the poor boy was no longer at his apartment. "Kanda!" She needed to tell him! God… The kid was still injured. He might survive the freak accident that killed her friend but Allen was still under observation. She was notified that the hospital was trying to reach Kanda to inform that the kid suddenly went missing but there's no one answering the phone. Then, when she went there this morning to check on Allen, all she found was a hospital gown that was neatly folded lying on the hospital bed. The nurses were all wearing the same sad faces when she confronted them, asking where the hell the kid go but they all just bowed their heads until a doctor came at the scene. He was the one who was in charge of Allen. _

_Amidst all the words of the doctor, there was only one thing that Lenalee quite understood: Allen was gone. _

_He left. _

_Just a fifteen-year-old boy._

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.

When he first heard it from Lenalee, Kanda didn't quite get it. He was so engrossed on the sole fact that Lavi died – his only brother – from an accident when he could actually save himself but he didn't. He protected Allen. The only person in this world beside Kanda that he loved with all of his heart. Kanda grew up as an unwanted child. Shunned by his own relatives, Kanda live his childhood hearing different spiteful and cruel remarks about his parents. And the sad thing about it was, he didn't even know why his parents were being bad-mouthed.

"_That's the child?"_

"_Yeah. That's the child of James and Elizabeth. What a disgrace!"_

"_Don't they have any shame left in them?"_

"_That's a cursed child."_

"_No wonder the James died early. Their union was a blatant sin!"_

"_And the kid is using the name 'Kanda'! Horridly shameful…"  
_Two months after James died; Elizabeth hanged herself in front of his only son, sobbing the words "I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

Kanda was only five years old. He saw how his mother's beautiful porcelain skin slowly became a repulsive shadow of blue. Her saliva was pouring onto her mouth, her beautiful mauve-ash eyes were disgustingly dilating…

Slowly.

Slowly.

He let out an agonizingly heartrending howl, tearing up the night's cold wind.

He was an unwanted child. He never should have been born in this world. He was not supposed be here in the first place. He was the seed of an irrevocable sin of his parents. He already knew it. And then _he_ came to his life.

"_I like you!"_

_Kanda stopped his struggle as he heard that. His heart stopped and his usual small eyes widened in surprise. "W-what?"_

_Lavi hugged the arms that he was gripping and smiled brightly. "I said I like you! And besides, you're my only cousin after all. Why I wouldn't like my only cousin? 'sides, your fun!"_

Lavi Bookman. The only son of Jean Bookman and James Kanda.

Kanda met his only cousin and he found out later on that his only cousin was also his only brother. His half-brother.

.

.

.

Kanda thought that Lavi would hate him. That the cheerful aura surrounding the kid would instantly banish if he knew the truth. That he, like what all the others did, will loathe him, will shun him. But he did not do that. Instead, a pair of widening eyes met Kanda's terrified ones, afraid that this time, after finding such a loud, obnoxious but great friend in his only cousin, everything will just abruptly end and he will be alone again.

"_You're my half brother? Kanda is?" Lavi looked at Tiedoll, eyes glistering with some unknown emotion. Kanda visibly flinched but he forced an I-don't-care façade that he plastered on his face. Lavi will now definitely hate him…_

_Lavi ran towards the long-haired boy and Kanda inwardly flinched as he waited for a physical torment from his brother that Kanda believed he just rightfully deserved. He, after all, ruined Lavi's one big, happy family. _

_But instead of a smack or a punch, he received a warm and heart-wrenching hug from the red-haired boy. "I have a brother…" Kanda heard Lavi muttered under his breath followed by a silent sob. _

_There was a time when Kanda wished about having a big brother. A warm person he could actually hold into his little arms, someone who will not judge him for what he was. Someone who will accept him when everybody else will not. Someone… _

_For the first time the two of them met, Kanda cried. He gripped and cried at Lavi's back, wetting the yellow shirt of the older kid. At that point in time, everything stopped. Kanda learned that this was probably what her mother was telling him when she was still alive… That there'll be a time when someone finally acknowledged you that you will feel that you are truly living – that sometimes, words are not enough to express what you are feeling and you just stood there, dumbly processing the fact that you are finally not alone – because you know, with all your heart you know, that when you open that door, someone was definitely waiting for you. _

"_**You know what, Kanda… You just have to believe… Do not stop believing that you will find someone who will love you for what you really are – who will love you unconditionally despite the fact that you are flawed. Nobody's perfect. We are all defective in some ways... We may be sinners in the eyes of others, but do not let that hinder your right to dream. To soar above the sky and to have the courage to claim what is rightfully yours. It's free to dream. Use it. Feel it. Grab it. Nobody will get it for you. You have to get it yourself."**_

Kanda hastily opened his eyes.

_Nobody will get it for you. You have to get it yourself._

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"_I would love to go to Okinawa someday… When I grew up! Ah! Definitely!" Allen was blabbering again. "I bet the air's good there, nee, Lavi-niisan?"_

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Kanda stood and walked to his bed. He looked for his phone that he not long ago threw and dialed a familiar number on it.

"_Hai… This is Kojie, who is this?" _Kojie probably didn't notice that it was Kanda's number who called.

"Kojie. Prepare the necessary documents for the contract. I'm going to Okinawa two days from now."

* * *

_**"Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe."**_

**Voltaire**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

**Warning:** UNBETAed. Bad grammar.

* * *

..

..

..

**Finding Him**

..

..

..

Kanda was staring nonchalantly at the train's window where he could perfectly see the passing terrains. Many passengers were already checking out their luggage and their belongings but Kanda remained idle.

He showed no sign of moving.

He closed his eyes, feeling the swift but calm motion of the train and felt something inside him bubbled.

Kanda was almost there.

After an hour ride in the bullet train his place, finally, Kanda was almost at Narita Airport where Kagakura-san's main office was located. He was supposed to meet Kojie there and signed his contract for a month. Then right after the contract signing, he was off to Okinawa in Iriomote Island where his employer's beach resort was located and where his job would take place.

Kanda massaged his tired neck and sighed, petulance was crawling to his head.

He really hated travelling. It was making him rather shaky and that was not a good feeling for Kanda.

Not at all.

Another two and a half hour plane ride.

After three to four hours, he was expected to arrive at Tsukihagama Beach.

Kanda sighed again as he shifted to his seat and his eyes were inevitably graze at the blurry images outside the moving train. Small pattering of rain slowly bathed the green meadows and Kanda couldn't help but be mesmerized at the blurring beauty of the scenery. He slowly reached to the glass window and caressed its hardness with his fingers, wiping the mist that was hindering him to see the view outside.

It had been a week since it last rained.

The rain outside was calming his ragged feelings and he leaned on the cold glass window, taking comfort to the coldness he was currently feeling.

A familiar face was forming at the irregular shifting of images.

White hair.

A perpetual smiling face.

Kanda bit his lips and a pained expression swiftly caressed his face.

_Allen…_

He clenched his teeth as he tried to still his shaky breathing.

He was still far from his destination, but ironically, Kanda swore that he could almost taste the clean air of the ocean at the back of his throat.

..

..

..

"_Irrashaimasse_."

Six women led by an old but composed lady, probably the over-all manager of the resort, deeply bowed to the two guests. Kanda watched the three of them who were wearing traditional kimono's walked past him and stopped at where the taxi driver dropped their luggage a while ago.

He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw one of them grabbed his duffel bag and immediately left Kojie's side and went to where his bags were.

"I'll bring it inside." He said as he stopped the woman who just gaped at him like he just spoke a foreign language.

"But it's our job and –"

"I insist."

The two women standing gaped at Kanda and a blush crept on their faces.

Kojie bit his lips to suppress a laugh that was threatening to spill out of his goddamn mouth. He couldn't afford Kanda leaving now so he should really be careful in doing something _inappropriate_ (like bursting into laughter) in front of Tiedoll's heir – no matter how amusing the situation was.

But Kojie just couldn't resist.

Kanda was unconsciously making the women around him blush.

_That _Kanda.

Kojie snickered, tilting his face away from Kanda only to run into a deadpanned-look on the head caretaker's face.

Kojie scratched his head and smiled sheepishly. His face was showing no sign of the inner cursing inside his mind.

Kojie really, really hated people with no sense of humour.

..

..

..

"Kagakura-sama is expecting you at the balcony of her office."

Kanda and Kojie followed the old woman to a spacious room where most of the furniture and decorations were mainly made of wood. Kanda couldn't help but notice the elegant and obviously well-picked decorations adorning the place.

The caretaker knocked at a door that Kanda presumed was connected to the veranda.

"Come in."

A kind-looking woman, probably on her late fifties, was sitting at a swivel chair, facing the vast sea outside.

Kanda met the woman three years ago at one of his art exhibits. Kanda could still remember how much torture he received from Tiedoll because of his constant pestering and relentlessly persuasion to Kanda to attend the exhibits and socialize with shitty and phony people.

Amidst those piles of society's garbage's (aka people), Kanda saw a woman who, in Kanda's opinion, really showed genuine interest on paintings displayed on the gallery. She didn't ogle at the famous artists present at the place that time like almost all the people attended did. She was interested in the _paintings_, not on the _artists_.

Kanda was somehow relieved to see someone like her attending exhibits like this – someone with true and real passion for paintings who understand that paintings were the snippets of an artist soul and therefore deemed more important than its creator.

At Kanda's surprise, she unexpectedly bought a lot of his works and requested it to be signed personally by Kanda himself which he did without hesitation.

And now, the said woman was requesting him to paint for her for one whole month.

Landscapes.

He was to paint a landscape of the front and back view of the resort including the vast sea.

He was somehow interested on the project (though he wouldn't admit it) but his mind kept on wandering on certain person and the sole reason he was here at Okinawa.

Kanda's eyes were suddenly laced with immeasurable pain and longing and it was noticed by the old woman silently watching the young man who was obviously not listening to her employer.

..

..

..

"You're free to start the sessions whenever you want. But you have to finish the three paintings before the contract ends." Kojie was looking excitedly at Kanda who was staring idly at the porch of his room.

The downright disinterest of the painter didn't go unnoticed by Kojie. He sighed as he put down the contract that Kanda just signed this morning.

He was obviously being ignored.

Great.

"Kanda, I hope you are aware when you signed this contract."

Kojie was quite aware that dealing with Kanda could be a _little_ hard.

The man didn't even have to work. And like what his employer, Tiedoll, said, painting was just one of Kanda's hobbies. It just so happen that he was truly gifted that the people from were now quickly noticing his talents.

It was hard to ignore the contradictory characteristic of Kanda and his paintings. His works were widely known for being warm, and many people who had seen his works even said that his paintings spoke of a dreamlike truth that gripped their hearts the very first time they'd seen it.

Kanda's works were deemed alive by those people in the art world whereas the artist itself was a plain paradigm of ruthlessness and coldness in reality.

Kanda shifted and Kojie felt his spine grew cold as he stared at those azure eyes.

"You don't have to tell me twice. I'll do my job." He said and stood up, his long hair danced along the passing wind on the open window and Kojie was left pondering. Should he really believe what Kanda had said?

Kojie sighed and stared at the piece of paper he was holding.

Well, Kanda was still a professional after all.

..

..

..

Kanda decided to walk around the beach, estimating the view from where he would start his painting. He let go a long sigh as he watched the slow movement of the water near the shore and thought about where he should start in looking for _him_.

Okinawa was a huge place and there was no way that he could find Allen right away. Hell, Kanda didn't even know why he agreed to this project.

When he thought about Allen and what he said about Okinawa, Kanda just got the feeling that somehow, maybe the white-haired boy went here.

It's all a hunch.

A risk.

But Kanda was more than willing to take it.

And now, he really wanted to seriously smack himself for only thinking about this now.

After two years of searching endlessly.

Was he looking to the wrong places all this time?

Kanda looked up and saw a skylark circling the part of the sky that where he was standing.

He couldn't help but think how nice it was to be free.

Would he finally have the chance to set things right?

Would he finally have a chance to admit the things that he kept on denying for a long time?

Kanda spotted a pink shell lying near him and gently scooped it. He caressed its fragile texture. Things like this could easily be broken.

That's why people should be extra careful in handling them.

Kanda smiled bitterly. Just like trust.

Just like people bonds.

He breathed deeply, enjoying the cold but warm air whistling and blowing to his face.

He stood and pocketed the small shell.

He started walking, albeit slowly. Running in the sand won't get you anywhere.

*Yukkuri.

Yukkuri.

He would take slow but sure steps in finding Allen.

_**__"Yukkuri_ _shiteitte ne, Kanda-nii!"_

As he walked, Kanda thought of many things that he regretted doing in the past.

There were just so many mistakes… and Kanda doubt he could change and all of them in an instant.

However, there was one thing he was certain.

He had to find him.

And once he found Allen, he wouldn't let go of him again. Ever.

But would Kanda really find him here?

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**Notes:**

*Slowly.

**"Take it easy!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own

**Warning:** Unbeta'd.

**Author's Notes:** Thanks to **The fuzziest Panda, Zahedra, BlueStar1937, **and** Error** (I kind of laughed when I saw your penname… :D) Especially to **Bluestar1937** for always, always, always reviewing my works… Thank you.

Thanks a lot guys! Thanks for the support. ^_^

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A tall dark-skinned man looked up and stared at the blinding rays of the sun as he walked down a grassy road. He was wearing a white coat which was quite uncomfortable given the warm weather of the day. He sighed and tried to remove it but he stopped as he remembered something. A radiant smile was flashed through his mind.

_You look good at it. _

The man halted and stared at the infinity in front of him. Mountains near the sea were sure were steeped. He looked at the azure sea coating most of the sceneries that his eyes could reach and wondered what _he_ could be doing right now. The man smiled and continued his journey. The smile that appeared on his memory lingered like water on his body, quenching his thirst.

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"We're not fighting!" A boy around six years old shouted at a nun who was asking him if he was fighting with his friend that was now crying at a corner. He violently shook his head and tried to explain that he was just trying to borrow her eraser and she refused to lend it.

"I was asking him politely sister!" He pointed at the crying girl, tears were now threatening to fall from his green innocent eyes. He would be punished, wouldn't he? "She refused to lend it to me! I'm telling the truth!"

The nun sighed as he tried to soothe the two kids. This was pretty normal around here. This was an orphanage after all. The nun patted the now crying boy and gently pulled him towards the crying girl at the corner.

"Listen," she said, facing the hiccupping boy who was now trying to suppress his tears, "it's okay to asked first before borrowing anything from your friends which I'm glad you did. But if the owner refused to lend it to you, don't get angry at her. Maybe she was just using it at the moment and would lend it to you afterwards. Is that right, Kasumi-kun?" She patted the boy's head again and turned to face the girl.

"Yuki-chan… Is that right?" She asked the girl who stared at her with her large and puffy eyes. She nodded afterwards and bit her lips. "I-I was just trying to finish my artwork before I lend it to Kasumi-kun… B-but he g-got a-angry and… and…" The girl eyes got watery again and Kasumi looked at her like he wanted to say sorry. The nun smiled as he patted the boy's back and gently push him towards the girl.

"Say sorry, Kasumi-kun." She whispered and urged the boy.

The boy nodded and immediately ran towards his friend.

Her smile grew wider as he watched the boy hugged the girl while saying sorry. Footsteps were later heard echoing and the nun looked up to see who it was. It was probably coming from the second floor of the orphanage. The children were currently at the garden and the sounds were coming at the balcony. A few seconds later, she smiled when she saw who it was.

"We're down here." She called to him. The man touched the balcony's wooden railings and bended his head towards the garden. The children squealed in delight when they saw the man and some even jumped from excitement.

The nun shook her head as he smiled at the reactions of the children.

"You're as famous as ever, huh."

The man smiled shyly, a warm blush painted his pale face and the nun wondered if he was eating properly nowadays. He was as skinny as ever and whenever the other nuns were asking about his eating habits and his health, he would just say that his body was like that since he was a kid. She wouldn't doubt that he was just saying that because he didn't want to worry them. The nuns in the orphanage were all fretting about his health after all.

They were all worrying about him after all.

Worrying other people… he definitely didn't want that.

"How's your sleep?" She asked as she walked towards the stairs to go to the balcony but a voice stopped her.

"Wait, sister. I'll just go there. Please wait for me."

The nun's eyes widened as her mind processed what he had been said.

"No! I- I mean, I'll just go there myself. You d-don't have to walk. Wait for me there."

Something flashed from the young man's eyes and traveled through his face. But it quickly faded when he heard the almost frantic footsteps of the nun in the stairs, as if she was afraid that he would be walking down the garden.

Sadness had befallen him. He clenched his pale hands and he suppressed the wretchedness overpowering his emotions.

Right.

Anyone would be worried if he would to walk by himself.

He was blind after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Warning:** Unbeta'ed.

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_"How's your sleep?" She asked as she walked towards the stairs to go to the balcony but a voice stopped her._

_"Wait, sister. I'll just go there. Please wait for me."_

_The nun's eyes widened as her mind processed what he had been said._

_"No! I- I mean, I'll just go there myself. You d-don't have to walk. Wait for me there."_

_Something flashed from the young man's eyes and traveled through his face. But it quickly faded when he heard the almost frantic footsteps of the nun in the stairs, as if she was afraid that he would be walking down the garden._

_Sadness had befallen him. He clenched his pale hands and he suppressed the wretchedness overpowering his emotions._

_Right._

_Anyone would be worried if he would to walk by himself._

_He was blind after all._

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Allen tried to smile. He pushed that awful thought behind his mind and collected himself. He didn't want Sister Annie to worry about him. He didn't want bother anyone even if his staying here since two years ago was enough bother to be ashamed with, he was at least able to helped the nuns in the orphanage take care of the children before.

_Before._

It was awful enough to be a bother that time, but at least he could help with the chores without people fretting about him every second.

He wasn't as much of a bother then.

Unlike now.

Times now were a lot awful than before.

Allen cringed at the thought and something equally awful sunk into his stomach. It was making him feel really tired and dizzy. This, he mused, was not good considering the fact that he should not be feeling bad now because of constant adamant request of the people in the orphanage for him to rest. It was as if he was betraying them for feeling horribly tired. He should be well-rested now and he was really looking forward in helping the nuns and playing with the kids again after being bed-ridden for how many weeks – he just wanted to be of use again, just like before.

Allen's face gloomed.

What was he thinking?

After his eyesight was taken from him, he knew that life for him would never be the same again.

He would never see the world again.

He was there, but it was as if he wasn't.

"Allen!" Sister Annie panted as she ran towards him. Allen could feel her ragged breathing and he felt dizzy again. He tried to hold on to the railings again and readied his smile.

"You don't have to run that fast, Sister Annie…" he said as he tried to face her. He learned how to work this particular problem out but it was still utterly hard for him. He wasn't used talking without seeing who he was talking to. It was awkward, especially if he kept on thinking, 'what if I'm looking at wrong direction?' It was depressing enough to make him puke. But he didn't dare show it to them.

He couldn't.

There's no way he could.

"It's a-alright," still panting, Sister Annie looked up and saw the white-haired young man smiling and _looking_ at her. She knew that he was trying to make the conversation as normal as possible and she couldn't help but feel bad for making Allen do this.

He was just trying so hard not to make them worry.

She knew that it was hard enough to be blind but to be bombarded with other people's pity… that was just too much.

It was not as if they pitied him, but Sister Annie was least hoping that Allen wouldn't see it like that. They were genuinely worried about him and the nuns couldn't help but be more attentive when it comes to the young man.

They see Allen as an angel that God gave them.

"Are the kids fighting with each other?" Worry was written all over Allen's face. "I heard a loud sobbing in my way here. What happened, Sister Annie?"

The nun smiled, happiness was bubbling on her chest. She stopped herself from running towards Allen and locked him to a tight embrace.

Allen was really such a good kid.

Quite adorable too.

"Kasumi-kun and Yuki-chan just had a misunderstanding. But it's alright now."

Allen smiled.

"Nee! Sister Annie! Is Allen-chan still there?"

Sister Annie looked down the garden and smiled. The children stopped their art activity and were now glancing at the balcony.

"Yes! And he said that you should finish what you're doing because the first one to finish will be hugged by Allen-kun!"

Deafening screams and was later heard. All of the kids were giggling nonstop and all were suddenly became focused on what they were doing.

"S-sister Annie…" Allen smiled awkwardly and scratched his head.

The nun only laughed and patted the young man. "They really love you."

Allen only reddened and didn't say anything. A timid smile was peeking through his thin lips.

In the end, all of them were hugged by Allen. Some kissed him on the cheeks while some were patting his white hair. The children were squeezing him so tightly and Allen felt crying.

How he wished he could still see them.

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"Over-fatigue, paleness, mild-asthma. Hmmm… It seems like the patient is not really resting, right, Sister Annie?" A tall man wearing a doctor's coat coughed and the nun blushed.

"I-it was my idea, doc." Allen felt the tension around the air though he knew that the doctor was just teasing the nun. Really. There were really some things that didn't change about him.

The doctor laughed when he saw Sister Annie reddened like a ripe potato. "I was just kidding. Allen's doing great. You don't have anything to worry about. Besides, that's exactly why I'm here."

Allen smiled hearing the nun's sigh of relief.

Sister Annie, after a few minutes of fidgeting like a child in front of the tall doctor bid her goodbye. She said she would continue with her duties at the orphanage. But Allen knew better.

Because Sister Annie was somehow attracted to the doctor of the orphanage.

Allen tried to suppress his giggle.

"And what are you laughing about, huh?"

Allen tried to locate the exact position of the owner of the voice but a warm hand gently cupped his face and he suddenly felt a warm breathe on his nose.

"I'm here."

Allen sighed and dropped his face to the ground. The hand remained on his face and Allen smile, knowing that he might be having that facial expression again.

"Were you frowning just now, doctor?"

Allen heard a baritone laugh.

"So what if I was?"

"You're wearing your coat, right?"

"Yes. What about it?"

The doctor stared at that angelic face. He noticed the slight discoloration under Allen's eyes and wondered if he was sleeping properly.

"Then I bet you look great today."

"Bribing, aren't we?"

Allen pouted.

"I never do such thing."

The doctor just laughed. A shuffling noise was heard and Allen felt a hand patting his head.

"Are you giving me meds today, doctor?"

"No. But I will be extremely happy if you will stop calling me such bad nicknames."

"What bad nicknames?" Allen protruded, a small smile was hiding behind his innocent façade

"You're such a bad liar."

"What bad nicknames?" Allen asked again.

The doctor laughed again as he arranged his stethoscope to his ears.

"Hmm… I wonder."

Allen, now smiling widely stared at the direction where the voice was coming from and grin.

"Nee, doctor –"

A finger pressed to his lips and Allen wondered how close he was to him right now.

He was always like that since he first met him one and a half years ago. Allen could still clearly remember how he kissed Sister Annie's hands while introducing himself. Allen later asked him if he have a thing for the nun, but the man just chuckled and almost choked from laughing afterwards.

It was kind of rude, if you would asked Allen. Sister Annie was beautiful you know.

"That. I'm talking about that bad nickname. Stop calling me that. I have a name you know."

Allen smile again as he removed the fingers from his lips. "But you are a doctor, right?"

"That's my profession. It's not who I am."

Allen felt something tug his heart.

He raised his hands in the air and it stayed there for a few seconds, searching for something.

He cupped the newly found warm face in the air.

"I know. I was just fooling around. Are you angry?" Allen asked.

The man smiled as he momentarily closed his eyes. Allen's hands were always so warm...

It just felt so nice.

"No. I will never be angry at you. You know that, right?"

Allen smiled. He took away his hand and smiled. "Yosh! If you are not really angry then let me have some pasta today! You cook!"

The man chuckled and let his hand brush on those smooth strands of pallid hair.

"Say my name first."

Then out of nowhere, they heard a loud voice screaming.

"TYKI-SENSEI! STOP FLIRTING WITH ALLEN-CHAN! MOU!

Tyki scratched his head while Allen blinked; confusion was written all over his face.

"You're flirting with me Tyki-san?" He said as he blinked again.

Tyki closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

Expect the kids to ruin his moment.

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	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I do not own DGM.

**Warning:** Bad grammar.

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Tyki loved the cold wind.

He stretched his long arms and stared at the garden beneath his office. Cold winds always made him rather calm, despite the stressful nature of his work. He looked at his watch and smiled.

It was time for Allen's check-up again.

He stood, his moves were mirroring that of a happy child waiting for his new toy. Happiness couldn't be masked on his aura. If there was one thing he enjoyed at being a doctor, it was the fact that he could use it to get close to the blind young man.

Tyki's eyes were dampened with distinct swirl of sadness.

Blind. Tyki gritted his teeth, halting his movement. He closed his eyes.

Allen was now indeed blind.

Now, if there was one thing he deeply regretted since he decided to become a doctor, was the fact that he didn't take ophthalmology. He was a pulmonologist, not an ophthalmologist.

A picture hanging on his wall suddenly caught his attention. It was an old picture of Allen and the kids at the orphanage two years ago. The boy looked so happy. He was smiling so wide and Tyki could still hear his laughter at that day – he was the one who took the photo after all.

That was the first time the doctor saw the white-haired boy.

He was adamant on knowing the boy, who at first didn't take him so well. Tyki could sense some hesitation and fears on those gray eyes and he couldn't help but be enchanted more.

It was kind of weird, actually.

He never knew he was swinging like that. He had a lot of affairs when he was still on college and girls lined up to him like he was some kind of hot star but never did it crossed to his mind that a day would come that he would disregard all of that for a boy who was six years younger than him.

His phone suddenly rung. Tyki took out his phone from his pocket and checked who was the caller. A knowing smile suddenly lit up on his face.

"Hello?"

"_Is this Tyki-sensei?"_

Smile again. Really, couldn't he be more adorable?

"Allen..."

A string of amused laughter was heard echoing on the line.

"_What give me away?"_

Tyki tried to bark a laugh. "Girlish voice?" It was lie. While Allen's voice was not the most manly voice out there, his voice was not girlish – soft, yes, but girlish? No.

Of course, a playful retort was immediately heard.

Tyki sat on his swivel chair and listened to the soft voice.

"_Are you even listening to me, Tyki?"_

"Yes. Yes."

"_We're going shopping! Sister Getrude said it's okay as long as you're with me, so don't you dare say no to me because I'll definitely –"_

"What about your check-up, hot head?" He inquired, smirking though the young man couldn't see it.

Allen was being his normal self again. Slowly, but Tyki was sure that somehow, the young man was trying to be as normal as possible. He could feel it and hell, he would be willing to help Allen as much as he could.

"_."_ The voice suddenly became so far away. Hush whisperings were heard on the background.

"Yeah. Checkup."

There was a few seconds of silence before the voice spoke again.

"_Er, can't you do that while we're shopping? The kids are all – Hey! Stop jumping on my legs, Sebastian!" _Tyki heard another shout and children's laughter invaded his hears.

"_Sorry about that."_ Allen's voice sounded cheerfully happy. Being with the kids back at orphanage really helped him a lot. _"The kids are just excited going outside. Anyway, as I was saying, can't you do the checkup thingy while we're shopping? As you probably can hear, the kids are overly excited right now and I don't think delaying them will turn out good. So..."_

"You are not seriously suggesting that..." Tyki sighed but a smile was still fervently etched to his face.

"_But I am serious! I am! I am! I am!"_

A sighed was again escaped from him. "Allen..."

"_Please Tyki? Please? Please? Please?"_

After that, the children all sung the same thing over the phone – and in chorus, of all things. Tyki was on the verge of saying yes when he heard a deep voice resonated over the phone.

"_Allen's checkup fist before the shopping, children."_

Tyki sigh a sigh of relief.

Marie Noise.

He was so glad the man came.

"Go tell them, Marie." Tyki said with enough conviction. He could almost see Allen pouting.

Yep. Just like the old times.

"_Is that Tyki, Allen?"_ Tyki heard the man asked Allen. A few seconds more, a deep was suddenly echoing on the doctor's ears.

"_Tyki?"_

"Yeah, the only one, Marie. What's up?"

"_Get your ass over here. Pronto." _A deep stern voice echoed. Tyki almost laughed. Almost. A few scuffling was heard over the phone and it was Allen's voice again.

"_Isn't he lovely?"_ Allen, who was undeniably laughing over the line asked. It seemed like the children were laughing their asses too.

"Yeah. He certainly is. I told you, the man loves me." Tyki barked a laugh. "So, checkup first, young master?"

Tyki could almost see his patient scoffing.

"_If that's what my doctor said, then alright. You won, you brute." _

Tyki just smiled and stared at the faded photograph hanging on his wall. A gush of wind gently rocked the frame and Tyki smiled again – because the lively smile of the boy in the photo seemed like solely directed at him. Like it was made for him. Only for him.

_If you could only smile like that, Allen. Always._

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The shopping was a complete chaos.

The children were all running on different directions and it was so hard to keep them still. The two nuns that accompany them didn't really give much help because the two of them seemed like in a daze while staring at him. When he told the issue with the two nuns to Allen, the white-haired young man shrieked at him and at first he thought he was hurting or he did something wrong but then he found out later that it was just Allen's way of stifling an earsplitting snort.

But Allen was laughing and that what's matter most to Tyki.

He wanted the boy to laugh more often. He wanted to be there for him, to let him know that he was there and he wouldn't leave him.

Sometimes, Tyki wasn't sure how he could convey his feelings to him. He wasn't sure how Allen would react if he knew about his feelings or if it would affect their friendship.

A hand was suddenly coiled to his left arm.

"Where are the kids, Tyki? I couldn't hear them..."

He held the hand and brought it to his side. "They're on the chocolate section. Sister Connie told us a while ago, right?" He looked at those lifeless orbs and he couldn't help but longed for their sparkle...

"Oh. That explains it. Mary said she wanted strawberry chocolate a while ago too. Hey, can you bring me to the pasta section? I wanted to see if they have Ziti, the kids asked me yesterday if..." something flashed to Allen's face. He trailed, his cheerful voice faded, "if I could make Ziti pasta this coming Saturday..."

And Tyki knew why.

"Hey..." He nudged the albino and he ruffled that silky white hair.

Allen smiled but it didn't quite reach his inert eyes, "I'm okay, don't worry. It's just that... It feels so weird." He reached for Tyki's arms and he held on to it like he was looking for support. "It's weird not seeing this place, when I was always here before," he squeezed him a little, "It feels so weird... and I feel kind of... sad, you know... of not being able to see the world I'm used seeing before..."

After that, Tyki didn't really know what happened, he was about to give Allen a reply, comfort him even if it was only by words, and make sure he wouldn't feel alone because he was there for him, no matter what happened. But before he could utter the first word out of the hundreds words he could have been said that day, a tall shadow, almost as tall as him, crept past at Tyki and hovered in front of Allen.

There were only snippets of the voices ebbing and ringing on his ears:

"_Allen! It's y-you..."_

It seemed like time was suddenly frozen on his world.

"_I've been looking for y-you, Allen... God... T-thank God..."_

The numbing sensation crept on him like the agonizing sobs on the background.

It was painful to hear, and yet he couldn't help but feel like it was his heart that was sobbing at that moment.

"_It's me, Allen... A-Allen?"_

After that, all that Tyki knew was that he was surrounded by a darkness that couldn't be washed away.

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**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Warnings:** Use of drugs. Bad grammar.

A/N: I'll edit this later. I'll include the reply to your comments and some queries. Thanks for reviewing. Hope you'll give some of your thoughts after reading this.

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**We do not remember days; we remember moments. **

Cesare Pavese

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_He's not talking. He was just staring at the nothingness in front of him as Kanda shook him. The boy's lips were quivering and he looked much paler than before. _

_Sickly looking. _

_Too pale. _

_Too thin._

"_It's me, Allen... A-Allen?"__ Kanda tried to make those gray orbs look at him. _

_He would do anything for this boy to look at him. _

_He kneeled down; his face was now almost an inch away to that small face. _

_They were looking at each other's eyes now. He gently held those soft cheeks, afraid to be rejected by a flinch, but the body remained motionless. _

_Kanda seriously felt like crying._

_His hands were trembling so hard as his hands felt that warm skin. _

_He was here. _

_Right here._

_Kanda brushed a strand of white hair on his face and he faintly smiled. _

_Allen was here._

_Finally._

_A flinch stirred Kanda to his stupor. Then he heard a soundless cry. _

"_A-Allen?" _

_He watched the boy's face twisted to what it seemed like vacillation and... fear? _

_Kanda felt something cold washed over him. The happiness he was feeling a while ago seemed like so far away now. _

_It was fear. He knew that face._

_Kanda perfectly knew. _

_It was the face that Allen always wore whenever Kanda was shouting at him when Allen was still a child. _

_Hesitation and fright._

_Suddenly, the world before Kanda slowly crumbled to dust._

_Then he felt his hands getting smacked away and then he lost it._

_Scream._

_Kanda heard a silent scream._

_A heartbreaking scream._

_.._

_A boy throwing a bunny toy in the ground._

_A boy slapping a smaller boy's hands._

_.._

_Kanda always wondered about death._

_How would it feel to die now?_

_Where would he go?_

_Would fate allow him to be with Allen when the right time comes?_

_If only he could turn back time. _

_Maybe..._

_Just... maybe, he could make things right again._

_Just like before all these batshit insane things happened._

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**Sins cannot be undone, only ****forgiven****.**

Igor Stravinsky

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Kanda bolted awake, sweating and panting. His long dark blue hair was sticking to his face like a veil. He could feel his whole body trembled in apprehension as he watched his hands shook uncontrollably before him.

It was raining outside.

Cold.

Unbearably cold.

His eyes were still misty and his heart was pounding frenziedly inside his chest. Kanda bit his lips as he watched the clock in front of him ate the remaining hours of the chilly twilight. After a few minutes of willfully trying to regain his breath, Kanda relaxed his shoulders a bit as he leaned to the bed's headrest. He closed his eyes and tried to clamp the raging long strands of his hair that was now coiling to his sweaty face and naked torso like vines.

He bit his thumbs as he banged his head to the wall on his back. A hushed pounding could be heard inside room. Kanda was so close and yet...

"Shit..."

He was almost fucking there.

_Bang. Bang._

Kanda clenched his fist.

He almost got him. Or so he thought. It was a fucking dream. Just a dream. Nothing more. But it was so real...

"Where the hell are you, Allen?" He gritted his teeth as he squeezed the bed's covers on his palm.

Pain.

Kanda dreamt of a very peculiar dream. As if he was inside another man's thoughts. Someone who was close to Allen and... and...

"_I'm okay, don't worry. It's just that... It feels so weird. It's weird not seeing this place, when I was always here before. It feels so weird... and I feel kind of... sad, you know... of not being able to see the world I'm used seeing before..."_

A pained expression contorted Kanda's face.

It's him.

He was there. He heard Allen's voice and then suddenly, he was fucking cut off.

Kanda opened his eyes and stared at the closed glass window of the resort's room. He could feel the coldness of the sea from inside the room, swirling in the air like a poisonous fragrance – a huge reminder of a huge black hole in his life and the never-ending dreams of Allen's ambiguous whereabouts.

The pounding continued.

It hurt.

It fucking hurt.

But right now, Kanda couldn't really feel the numbing sensation on his head. All he could feel was the taut hammering on his chest and a painful beating on his heart.

Because no matter how hard Kanda tried to mete out pain to himself, the pain that Allen left inside him would never be surpassed by a petty self-infliced harm.

Pain.

It was he could feel right now.

It was all he could understand.

_Don't fucking do this to me, Allen..._

Pain.

It fucking hurt.

This was the reason why Kanda didn't particularly like sleeping early.

His dreams fucking hurt.

_.._

**A fact:**

The waking of the sun continued like before. It slowly rose from its deep slumber cooing the night to rest and let it take over the day.

It didn't care about anything.

It didn't care about anyone.

The sun would still rise with or without Kanda.

Or you.

That's a fact.

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"This is the pantry. If you want something to cook, you can get the ingredients here. And whoah, man... You can almost find all kinds of ingredients here... I thought Sakura was juts kidding when she said it's perfect..." Kojie trailed as he momentarily forgotten that Kanda was with him. The pantry was awesomely huge and there were a lot of prized vegetables and raw meats inside. Live fish, crabs, squids, and many others. It was quite a sight. Kojie blinked when he suddenly realized that there was someone behind him and that someone was Kanda, the most impatient person he had ever met. Kojie faked a cough, suppressing the fast gliding of the cursed blush on his face. Damn, Kanda was just too over the top. Couldn't he be _nicer_? All these stiff conversations were definitely not good to his heart and brain.

"O-of course there are live-in chefs in the resort, and as I've said, you can just _politely_ ask them to cook for you but if, you know, just in case the food here will not suit your taste and –"

"I can cook. I can manage myself."

Kojie's face fell down.

Kanda was definitely not one of the nicest man in the earth.

"By the way Kanda, I think Kagakura-sama was calling you a while ago. She said she have something to tell yo –"

"We've already talked about it."

Kojie blinked. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

He waited for more details but it didn't come.

Kojie sighed as he stared at the stoic face of Kanda. Really, was there anything in this world that could smoothen those forever creased eyebrows? It made Kanda looked like an angry, lifeless doll...

"I-is that so..." Kojir tried to salvage the little conversation they were having but seeing Kanda like this was always a hindrance to a smooth tête-à-tête.

Kanda, who was observing his reaction, tche'd.

"You don't have to keep talking to me. Don't fucking force yourself. You look stupid and you're stupid enough as it is. One more thing; Tell the old man I'll be staying here for a while. No need to wait for me."

Without even looking at him, Kanda turned around and left a still flabbergasted Kojie.

He couldn't help but be awed at the loneliness embracing Kanda like a long lost friend... and that ever smart assed mouth. He so wanted to crushed that mouth to stop the young man from spouting horrible nonsense just to spite others. After a while, Kojie's face softened. Those eyes were screaming for help. Those eyes that seemed like forever drenched by tears. He could see it. Kojie could feel it. He learned from Tiedoll-sama that Kanda's only brother died two years ago from a car accident.

_His only brother._

He wouldn't dare pretend he knew everything about Tiedoll's adopted son, but Kojie could tell that somewhere on those scruffy attitude and cold wall that Kanda was showing, a lonely soul was suffering... and yet Kanda wouldn't let go.

Or maybe... he couldn't.

_After you lost something important to you, I guess that's the only thing that you can do; to grip to the excruciating sadness like a friend. It was the only thing that was left to you after all. It serves as powerful reminder of what you had lost and how much of it was your fault._

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..

Days passed.

Kanda had finished the three painting in less than a month and Kagakura had no complaints on the output. They were breathtakingly beautiful. Each painting was screaming of reality and veracity you couldn't see in other paintings. They were unique in their own way and Kagakura was captivated yet again after so many years. The woman couldn't help but rain praises on the paintings that Kanda just ignored. His job was done. It was time to let himself work on the real reason he was here.

"Can I stay for another month, Kagakura-san?" He asked two days before their contract ends. Kojie, who was drinking coffee, coughed when he heard the unexpected inquiry. His eyes were bulging on their sockets and Kanda almost sighed in pity and shame.

Kagakura just smiled, asking no question in return. "Of course, dear. You can always stay." She happily said as she patted the cat that was peacefully resting on her lap. "For free," she added as she looked outside window.

"I can pay –"

"Nonsense," the old of woman lightheartedly laughed, "Think of it as my token of gratitude for the handsome paintings you've given to me."

Kanda didn't say anything after that. He just stared outside too; his eyes were already journeying to the many possibilities of his overstaying.

..

..

..

Kanda hated going to the grocery.

The place was strident and annoyingly full of nosy women with equally annoying mouths. But he had no choice but to buy things for himself. Deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, soba. He didn't want to use the resort's soap for crying out loud and he was missing eating his damn soba and he was abstaining for already two fucking whole months.

In short, he was at his limit.

After going to the grocery, he maneuvered his Isuzu Rodeo, a compact SUV that he requested to Kagakura-san last week, to the nearest church in the vicinity that he found last week in his 'search'. He was planning to ask about the orphanages in the area and their contact numbers. Kanda clenched the stirring wheel as he focused his eyes on the road. He would take his chance. He'll give himself one month to find Allen here.

Suddenly, it started to rain.

Then what? What if he's not here? What if he had never been here?

Kanda listened to the small pitter-pattering of light rain on the car.

"_Kanda!" Lenalee banged the door of his room. It seemed like Krory let the woman inside the mansion. "Allen is missing! I went to the hospital to check him but he's no longer there!" She kept on pounding and pounding on the door but Kanda didn't make any movement; he just laid there unmoving. His face was devoid of any emotion and he was just staring blankly ahead._

"_Kanda! Please! Allen is missing! We have to find him! We have to find the kid!"_

'_Then what? Would Lavi come back if he found Allen?' Kanda would often ask himself that. _

_He would clench his teeth in fury then the next thing he knew, he was fucking crying. _

_Lavi was dead. Allen was alive. _

"_Kanda!"_

_His brother was dead, but their friend was alive – unscathed._

"_Kanda please! Don't do this to Allen... He didn't want Lavi to die! Don't do this to him! You gotta find him!"_

_Kanda, who was looking pale as ever closed his eyes and bit his already chapped and bleeding lips._

_He didn't want to see Allen._

_He hated him. _

_Lenalee kept on banging his door for almost an hour and in sobbing voice, she shouted; "You'll gonna regret this!" _

_Inside his mind, the question kept on repeating on him like an undying mantra;_

_Would Lavi come back if he found Allen?_

_Then after a while, he would answer his own question like a mad man. He would laugh in the middle of the night while looking at Lavi's smilling picture. The bitter truth would slowly drown him. _

_Of course not. _

_The dead don't come back just because you wished them to. _

_.._

_Months and months had passed_

_It has been half a year since Lavi died and Allen went on missing. The world just kept on spinning and spinning; morning, afternoon, night._

_Everyday's just fucking the same. _

_It didn't care. _

_No one cared._

_Kanda thought about taking _them.

_It seemed like a beautiful thing to do._

_.._

_Then he got hooked. _

_At first, Kanda was only thinking of taking them for a whole week. He just wanted to try. Then it offered him great peace. It was like he was floating in the air. He became lost at the effects of it until one day, he thought that he could no longer stop taking them._

_He tried many of them._

_Bennies, nose candy, skittles, downers, XTC..._

_He was unstoppable._

_He didn't know if he had a death wish back then. But one thing's for sure; he was feeling tired of getting up every day. _

_But startlingly, memories of Allen kept on flooding his mind. _

_The day he met the boy._

_The day he started hating him for what he was feeling for him._

_The day Allen went missing._

_His face._

_He kept on seeing it. _

_Then one day, he passed out. He thought he wouldn't be able to wake up again. _

_But he did. _

_Tiedoll made him._

_He was in the hospital and he was asleep for almost a week. _

_Drug overdose._

_And he stayed. He had no choice. _

_He spent the next three days of life staring outside his room's window while listening to the gentle chirping of the birds. _

_Then he remembered Allen... _

_The boy loved birds. Especially those noisy ones. He once told them that he would love to have a baby parrot one day. _

_It was almost a year after the incident. _

_Time surely flew so fast._

_At the hospital, memories of Allen still kept on pouring like mad on his mind._

_.._

_After a month that he was discharge, he was obliged to visit the hospital every week for drug counseling and such. He was beyond pissed but Tiedoll was adamant about it. _

_And Kanda already caused too much trouble for the old man._

_That's why he yielded. _

_Even if it was against his will._

_Weeks and weeks passed. He was on his way to the last week of his counseling when he learned about it. _

_The nurses were talking about it._

"_Poor kid. I heard he was blamed."_

"_The white haired boy?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I've heard it was an accident."_

"_Yeah. But he survived unscathed right? And the other one died. It must be awful._

_Another nurse came. _

"_Hey, what's happening here? Some sort of gossip ritual of yours, ladies?"_

"_Shut up, Riley."_

"_Were just talking about that freak accident two years ago. You remember?"_

"_Ah. The one who died protecting a certain kid inside the car?"_

"_Yes. The brother of the victim is coming here for drug counseling. Or so I've heard from Doctor Riki."_

"_I see. But you said unscathed?"_

"_The white haired boy. We're talking about the white haired boy."_

_There's a pause._

"_Are you talking about the boy who survived in the accident last two years ago?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Not totally unscathed."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_He must be already blind by now."_

* * *

**TBC**_  
_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM.

**Warnings:** Unbeta'ed. Short, short chapter. Probably the most boring of all the chapters posted in this story.

**Author's Notes: **For those who got confused, the last part of the chapter 9, where a supposedly Kanda found Allen and was shaking him to death (just kidding), was just a dream in Kanda's part. But that grocery incident really happened, (the day after the dream of Kanda) just so you know. It happened and Allen was with Tyki at that moment, just like what you've read. The only thing that didn't happen was the scene with Kanda.

* * *

..

..

..

"Watch out for the wet floor, kids!" Sister Connie shouted as the kids glided past at her, giggling and laughing. Allen smiled at the nun's voice. They were already outside the grocery store and were now heading to Tyki's van. The doctor was holding Allen's left arm while they walked.

Sister Connie shouted again.

He could still hear the giggling of the kids and Victoria's laughter, and Ben, and Carlo.

He squeezed the arm that was holding him and he knew Tyki was now looking at his face.

"What? You forgot something?" Allen heard him asked and he smiled at the man. He shook his head but he still kept on squeezing Tyki's arm.

"Then why in the world are you squeezing me then? You want milk?"

He smacked the man's arm and Allen heard him chuckled.

"Then what?"

"Tell me if there's a rock ahead, alright? I don't want to trip." He said and he traced the long sleeve of Tyki with his fingers. "You will tell me, right?"

Tyki didn't answer and they just continued to walk slowly.

Allen felt Tyki squeezing his arm back.

He smiled. He couldn't help it.

Allen thought it was funny. Now, he couldn't able to tell if it was day or night. He was seeing the same darkness for now and somehow, he couldn't help but be amused and frightened at the same time. It was complicated.

Then Tyki spoke: "You know I won't leave you, Allen."

Allen pondered on it for a little while, then with a faint smile, he spoke; "Yeah... I know."

They were still walking and Allen could now hear the children's raucous laughter.

Tyki grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You won't be able to get rid of me that easily Allen. I hope you you're prepared. I'll be always here, almost like a nuisance," he said and Allen heard him laugh again.

"Aren't you already a nuisance?" Allen scoffed. Obviously trying to tease Tyki.

The next he knew, his neat locks were being brutally rummaged. And with a small voice, Allen heard Tyki spoke with an amused tone. "You little twerp..."

Allen tried to evade the attacks but it was futile.

His head was now lolling back and forth because of the force.

"Ah. Allen? There's a rock. A huge one. At the top of your neck. I wonder if rocks nowadays have pelts.

"Rocks do not have pelts, you idiot! And stop ruffling my hair!"

"Oh-hooh...This one certainly has one..."

"My head's not a rock!"

"It isn't?"

"TYKI!"

..

Kanda was tapping his fingers in the stirring wheel. It seemed like he forgot something from the grocery or more like the fucking grocery forgot to put his favorite brand of Soba into his plastic bag. He remembered putting into his shopping cart but it was now nowhere to be seen.

Damn it.

"Those fucking idiots..." he muttered as he maneuvered his car back to the Grocery Store. He was driving a little bit fast but couldn't help it. He was fucking late now! He still had to go the orphanage near the resort. Then to the church down the town. He gritted his teeth as he remembered the fucking woman who deposited his groceries to the plastic bags.

"Fucking imbecile... Can't even do her job properly... Damn it..."

He was busy thinking of what he would say to torment the stupid employee when suddenly a black van appeared from nowhere. He immediately swung the stirring wheel of his SUV and he almost end up at the creek down the mountain roads. Kanda's mouth went dry and sweat went rolling down his forehead when he saw how steep the creek was.

Fuck...

He almost died.

That was what all he could think of.

After he recovered from his initial shock, he looked for the black van in front of his car and almost sighed when he saw it unscathed. Damn it all... What would he do if it got thrown down there? Kanda almost shivered in fright. Shivering a little, he went out of his car and strode to the black van, he eyed it, looking for signs that the driver and if it ever had passengers, were okay. He knocked the window but he was unable to see who was inside because the windows were fucking tinted. He knocked again and this time, the car door swung opened and Kanda's face almost got hit by it.

"Hey! What the fuck's your problem?" He shouted as he stared at the fuming driver. He was as tall as Kanda. His looks were quite exotic probably because of his dark skin and his messy, black tussled hair. He looked like he was in early thirties or younger. Kanda couldn't really tell.

"You're asking me what my problem is? You almost got us, you bastard! I have children inside my van! What the hell is you're problem driving like that like this is a straight road? We're up here in the mountain, boy. This is not some race track!"

Shit... there were children inside! Kanda stared not knowing what to say. He went cold when he thought that he could have killed them. "I'm... sorry... I'm just kind of in a hurry. Are those k-kids okay?" He asked, turning pretty pale.

The man noticed this. "They're okay. Just shaken up. Don't drive like that again. Or at least as long as you're staying around here – if you don't want to get killed," he sternly said.

He didn't look back again after he went inside the car and Kanda caught a glimpse of one of the children inside it. She looked pretty scared.

Kanda almost bitten his lips in infuriation upon himself.

..

Tyki was almost fuming in rage. That asshole almost got them, for Pete's sake!

"You okay, guys?" He inquired, not taking his eyesight out of the road. That damn brat...

"Y-yeah... Thank God we really didn't end up at the creek..." Johnson said as he hugged his knees. "It was so high and it's getting dark too..."

Moreover, Victoria was still crying at the back seat.

Tyki sighed. He looked up the sky and he could tell that it would rain soon. He had to get Allen and the kids at the orphanage soon.

"Uhm... Tyki-s-san?"

A worried voice startled Tyki from his driving.

"What is it?"

The nun's voice was laced with immeasurable worry as she held the small body of the blind boy. "A-Allen-kun was g-getting c-cold! And I-I think he stop b-breathing!"

..

..

..

T**B**C

* * *

**To all who reviewed the last chapter, thanks a lot! You guys mean so much to me! No kidding. Hehehe... I hope the plot is really moving now... *sigh* **

To **glon morski**-san: *facepalm* Argh.. I am such an idiot... While I was writing the last chapter, I wasn't really thinking if the nurses could really and possibly still remember Allen as a patient two years ago. I think it was stupid of me to think that yeah, It could be possible but I guess I was thinking that since Allen's looks were different and the case itself was kind of unusual, someone from Allen's nurses who attended to him when he was still at the hospital might remember him. Oh well... *facepalm again* I'll just say plot-wise for now (no matter how lame it is)... Uwaaa! Don't kill me, 'kay? And I already changed the summary *sweating*. I kind of forgot about it too... and thank you so much for still reviewing despite the messy facts and grammar...

**Banzai to the following people:**

**The fuzziest Panda –** and everytime I see you review, I always attempt to put my head inside the fridge! *eherm* seriously, thanks a lot for still reading this crap... I am glad to you like tearjerker scenes. *sniff* and the story... and.. and... Can I hug you?

**Bluestar1937 – **thanks for reviewing this again! of all my reader's you're one of those few that I remember the most. Know why? I think you already know why... Hahaha... Don't worry, you'll have your answers soon... Thanks for sticking to this story and to my stories... ^_^

**Zahedra – **He was hurt. I mean, Kanda. But I guess wounds like that won't heal overnight, right? And don't worry, I'm planning to make them meet soon. Or as soon as the story feels like it. XD

**Crowned – **Yes, my dear. That's right. It was just a dream... but it was so close? right? Damn...

**alguien22792 – **I am sorry you got confused! Uwaaah!

Seriously. My friend also said the same thing to me while throwing my pillows across my room. She was saying something like, "He's a complete jerk! And you made him act like that, you lousy author!" But the story was writing itself! I swear! Okay.. maybe not totally... *hides*

Thanks for reviewing again, despite... okay, I am now repeating things... thanks for reviewing... I'm glad that you're still reading. ^_^

**Soaha** – Yep, dear. You got it right. I wasn't really planning on putting that but... oh well... Thanks for reading and reviewing! ^_^


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DGM. All of you should know that by now. *grins*

**Warnings:** Pardon the bad grammar. As usual.

**Author's Notes:** I am so sorry for updating so slow... . and thank you for all the lovely reviews! I shall answer those love letters right after I finish my ungodly business this evening. Enjoy reading! Ciao!

..

..

_.._

_Whoever's homeless now, will build no shelter;_

_who lives alone will live indefinitely so,_

_waking up to read a little, draft long letters,_

_and, along the city's avenues,_

_fitfully wander, when the wild leaves loosen._

_**Day in Autumn**_ by Rainer Maria Rilke

..

..

..

_Tyki looked up at the closed door; his fists were rigid and were clenched on his forehead. _

"_Cardiac dysrhythmia," said the doctor. "For some reason, his asthma suddenly exacerbated. Please refrain from stressing him so much, Tyki. Didn't I tell you that before?" said Mr. Lee, a foreign doctor currently residing at Japan. Tyki met him at Germany when he was still a medical practitioner._

_Mr. Lee sighed when he saw Tyki's distraught face. He looked like he had been to hell and back. _

_The doctor tapped Tyki's shoulder and gave him a smile. "It's a good thing you immediately brought him here. Don't worry too much. I'm sure Allen is also fighting this. So, cheer up, man."_

_Tyki gave his friend a curt nod and smiled a little. He watched his friend walked away and the muted tapping of his feet on the floor._

_He tightly closed his eyes. _

_He was still trembling. He had always been afraid of this moment. _

_Yesterday, he almost lost Allen. _

_He let out a long sigh and glided his eyes to the white walls of the hallway, thinking why life was so unfair and why life must pushed him into situations like this, like he was some kind of a masochist who enjoyed being constantly harassed by the reality that anytime, he could lose Allen. _

_Tyki was wholly upset by the fact that he couldn't do anything for him at times like this._

_But, he was more upset by the fact that Allen had to go all through this._

_He scrunched his face, feeling the sharp calluses of his hands scraping on his visage. _

_He would keep Allen close to him as much as possible. There's nothing that could take away Allen from him. He wouldn't let that happen – even if he had to sacrifice his time and life, then, so be it._

..

..

..

"Painting again? I thought you were going outside today?" Kagakura-san smiled as the woman eyed Kanda filling a clean canvas with paints. "Did you change your mind?"

Kanda looked up from the canvas and bowed a little then continued what he was doing.

"Change my mind. I would just like to paint today. Not to think of anything," he lowly murmured but it was enough for Kagakura-san to hear. The woman sat at a nearby chair and chuckled.

"Did you already find him?"

Kanda's whole body froze. He slowly moved his head and looked at Kagakura-san who was still sporting her kind smile on his face. He had heard that she lost his husband two years ago and yet Kanda couldn't help but noticed her eyes that were impossibly gleaming under the glistening sun.

"How did you know that?"

"I asked, of course. Because you are not the type to let yourself be confined in a place like this if you don't have a valid reason to do so. Am I wrong?"

Kanda shifted his stance and looked away.

Kagakura-san chuckled again.

"You don't really have to tell me, Kanda. I understand. I just wanted to confirm if Tiedoll-san wasn't just teasing me."

Kanda's eyebrows creased. "My father?"

The woman looked away, looking sheepish. "Oops."

Kanda sighed at this. "What did that old man tell you?" He asked, his hands were moving again in a fast pace. It was as if Kanda's hands had already memorized every little corners of the canvas.

The old woman watched this solemnly, her eyes were nailed on the painting that was now gradually being crammed with diverse colors.

"Your father was a very kind man, you know."

"What did he _tell_ you?"

Laughter. Kagakura looked at Kanda and smiled. "He told me a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"Like your favorite color and brands of cologne. Dior and Issey Miyake, right?"

"Wrong. I hate Dior." Irritation contorted Kanda's face, but he dared not to show it to the woman. "What else?"

"Hmm... He also told me that you love noodles the most. And that you look pathetic when you are crying that was why he laughed when he first saw it and then, you angrily vowed that you will never, ever let anyone else see your crying face again," the old woman continued, a smile was wonderfully etched to her face, fully aware of the different, amusing faces that Kanda was now pulling behind her back.

A vein popped on Kanda's face. Trembling hands were the only proof that he was having a hard time not to book a flight right away, fly home where his loving father was living right now, and kick his ass and –

"He also told me that Kanda-kun was badly missing someone right now."

That took Kanda off guard. He looked at his hands and back to Kagakura-san who was still staring at him like she was trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Kanda's jaws clenched while trying to block the remnants of his dream last night and chunk it to the deepest recesses of his soul.

And he had good reasons to do so.

Because last night, unlike the countless dreams he had for the past two years of his life, he dreamt that he lost Allen for good and that scared him even more than before.

He didn't know but, something was telling him that Allen was somewhere in this world, suffering. Then, again and again, a voice was repeatedly telling him that it was his goddamn fault why all of these were happening. It was something that he could have avoided but instead, he chose to be blind and blindly accused Allen of something that no one really wanted to happen.

Again and again, the death of Lavi and Allen's sudden disappearance plagued his dreams like a never ending nightmare.

He had to –

"Find him."

The voice pulled Kanda out to his trance. He looked at the old woman who was now sitting beside him.

"Do all you can to find him because you never want to wake up one day regretting that you could have done something to find your happiness, but you don't, simply because you're scared shitless."

Kanda eyes widened and agape. Did he just hear that right?

Then, a loud 'thud' was heard nearby. They both turned their heads to the lying body – face flat – on the cold floor that was Kojie who seemed like eavesdropping just a while ago.

Kanda's knuckles buckled.

"Ara... That wasn't so nice, Kojie-kun, eavesdropping and all that," chuckled Kagakura-san who was now immensely enjoying Kanda in all his raging glory.

Kojie awkwardly smiled at the woman as he got up, then, flinched when he saw Kanda.

The old woman laughed when Kanda suddenly lunged at the trembling young executive.

"Hieeeh! I'm so sorry! I won't do it again!"

Kagakura-san smiled as he remembered Tiedoll's last words.

"_Kanda's childhood was robbed to him. As a father, I want my son to be happy as much as possible. And I think finding Allen would make him happy the most."_

..

..

..

Allen smiled as he threw the ball in the air and heard the kid's wild scampering inside the garden of the orphanage. The children gleefully ran towards the ball, all were smiling as they watched Allen laughed in his seat. The young man was recovering well from his last asthma attack and was ordered to keep glued to the place, away from the harsh and callous outdoor activities until a certain cranky doctor said so.

Allen Walker was openly not pleased by his 'unreasonable' confinement.

"This is plain ridiculous, Sister Annie," Allen said, teeth were gritting while smiling happily to the unsuspecting children happily playing in front of him. "I'm okay now. Please tell Tyki-san that I'm more than capable of handling myself outside the orphanage. I really need to go to the lady today. She's expecting me," he added, pleading to the woman beside him.

Sister Annie fidgeted as she watched her patient's awry smiles.

"Err... I am so sorry, Allen. But Mikk-san's orders are absolute. If you want, I can call him right now and tell him your request."

Allen sighed. "No. Let me talk to him, Sister."

After a minute, the kind woman handled the mobile phone to Allen. After a few rings, Allen heard Tyki's voice.

"_What can I do for you, sir?"_

"I have to go somewhere else today, Tyki."

"_No is no, Allen."_

"But I really have to go! The lady is expecting me today and I promised to her that –"

"_Too bad, Allen. You can't. Not today. Not tomorrow. Alright?"_

"The day after tomorrow?"

"_Still a no."_

"Tyki!"

"_I'll call her. I'll tell her that you can't make it today. I'm sure she would understand."_

"But I want to go out!"

Allen heard a faint chuckle.

"_Ooh... I see this is not about the lady and her piano lessons."_

Allen cupped his mouth, cursing himself for saying more than he intended. He was hoping to coaxed Tyki, damn it!

"_Uh-uh. Not gonna happen, Allen. So stay still and be a good kid."_ Tyki answered as if he saw Allen's little antic.

"I am not a kid!"

"_Yes, yes."_

"TYKI!"

Sister Annie laughed when Allen stomped his feet on the ground along with the kids who were now listening to the comical conversation of Tyki and their favorite brother.

Sister Annie flinched when someone tapped her shoulders and gasped when he saw the dashing doctor behind her, a mobile phone perched on his ear and a bag of chocolates on the other unoccupied hand. She almost blurted out his name but her mouth was swiftly silenced by a long, slender finger.

Tyki smiled and winked at her while mutedly utter, 'sshhh'.

Allen was still talking to him on the phone.

"Tyki? Tyki? Oh, great. Is this your way of saying, 'yeah, Walker, do want you want in your life because –" Allen's words was suddenly cut off when he felt a someone grabbing his hand and planting a slow kiss on it.

Sister Annie cupped her mouth and gasped, cheeks were blushing while all the kids squealed for two reasons; the kiss and the chocolates.

"What the bloody –"

"I would just like to remind you that this place is teeming with virgin ears, Walker." Tyki said, bowing in front of Sister Annie and the children who were now bouncing on their feet.

"Tyki! What the heck are you doing kissing me on my hand? Have you gone mad?" Allen, who was visibly blushing so hard right now, tried to smack Tyki who got away fast.

"So it appears, Allen," he said, then added, "FYI, that was just a greeting. No need to blush like a virgin."

Allen was now itching to wrap his hands on Tyki's neck but he calmed himself. He still had to persuade the man into letting him out this afternoon.

He huffed; determination was etched on his still red face. "I have to be there at 2pm this afternoon and that's final."

Tyki just smiled as he opened the bag of chocolates and let the children get two pieces each. He nodded to the nuns who were watching the jovial scene, signaling to distribute the chocolates to the other orphans.

"Tyki, I really have to go..."

Tyki rumpled the teen's hair. "I know. But you have to at least rest for another two days and then you're free to go wherever you want to go."

"You promise?" Allen murmured as he relish the nice feeling of someone rumpling his hair.

"I promise." Tyki said, closing his eyes. He's glad Allen was okay now. "So be a good boy, alright?"

Allen pinched Tyki's hand that was on his head. "Stop calling me a boy, you pervert."

Tyki's loud laughter momentarily halted the chaotic scuttling of the children over the chocolates.

"Tyki-san is flirting with Allen-chan again! Mou!" A kid in a braid said as she looked at Tyki from afar as he messed up with the white haired teen's hair.

"But he brought us chocolates," a green-eyes boy said as he gobbled the chocolate bar on his hands. "Allen's gonna be just fine."

The braided haired girl looked at the perpetually blushing Allen. "You think so?" she said then, looked at her hands where the two untouched chocolates were lying.

"Yep. Now, eat your chocolates or I'll eat them for you."

The girl rolled her eyes.

..

..

..

Kojie sighed. He was watching Kanda paint for almost three hours now and the boredom was slowly getting onto him. He yawned and stretched his arms and legs, wondering how long the young master would would 'talk' to his paintings.

"Hey, Kanda... Care to go out for a bit?" He called to him, somehow hoping for a positive response when the man glared at him from the corner of the room. Kojie immediately cowered in fright and slowly turned his head away from those murderous eyes.

_I wanna go home, seriously!_ He silently pleaded.

After a few more minutes, the door swung open revealing a short boy with gravity-defying spikes.

"Osu," he greeted as he laid down two boxes of extra large pizza at Kojie's sight. The boxes were printed with 'Oishi Pizza!' The boy was also wearing a black t-shirt with Oishi Pizza written on it.

"Pizza delivery."

Kojie salivated on the sweet fragrance coming from the boxes. He looked at Kanda while the boy looked down at Kojie, like he was waiting for something.

Kanda didn't look up. "We didn't order anything." He said, hands were never stopping from applying the base color of his another new painting.

The boy, who was now staring at Kanda, shrugged his shoulders and bent to the floor where his cap fell a moment ago. "Don't worry. It was already paid by Kagakura-san. Enjoy your pizza." The boy lifted the two remaining boxes of pizza from the table and slowly walked to the door. Kojie scampered to him, a few yens were resting on his hands. "Tip," he said as he smiled at the boy.

The boy nodded to Kojie and uttered a small 'thanks' without even looking to the amount on his hand before he finally left.

Kojie fidgeted at his seat. "U-uhm. I think I should go to Kagakura-san to say our thanks."

Kanda still remained silent. His eyes were never leaving the canvas.

"I'll take that as a yes."

..

..

..

The pizza boy carefully rode his bike throughout the next house who ordered two boxes of pizza too. That would be his last costumer for the afternoon, and after that, he was free to go to his brothers and sisters.

He gave the money to his boss, the kind Okumura-san, together with his tip from the tie-wearing dude from Kagakura-san's place but was immediately noticed by Okumura-san. The money was too big for a tip anyway and he was earning enough from his job at the pizza restaurant. Besides, who would give a tip that was twice two pizzas' regular price? The man must be loaded for him to give that. However, the old man insisted that he would never accept the tips that were supposed to be given to him and teasingly smacked the boy at his head.

He also said to give the money to the kids.

He, then, ordered the boy to go home early.

The boy bowed and took his tip from the callous hands of the old man and started walking towards his home.

He arrived at a small church where he was greeted by the nuns and small children playing at that time in the hallway. He smiled at them, his eyes were gleaming.

He headed straight to the garden where his sisters and brothers were surely playing. He smiled when he saw what he was looking for. He called to them and the all of the kids, who seemed like busy dividing chocolates for each other, turned their chocolate-stained faces to him and started running towards him, all hands, who were all stained with chocolates, were up and waving on the air.

"W-wait!" He shouted but it was now too late to back out because the chocolates that were lurking at the children's hands a while ago were now dwelling all over his body.

"You kids! I told you to wait! Where did you guys get all these freaking chocolates, anyway?" He shouted, face was all sticky from the kisses he got from the girls.

The children all hilariously giggled.

"What's funny, you little twerps?"

He was about to fake an attack to the boys who were now all running from all direction when he heard a familiar soft voice amidst the joy-filled ruckus.

"Okaeri," the voice said.

The boy immediately ran towards the owner of the voice, a radiant smile could be seen to his face.

"Tadaima."

He watched the young man sitting on the wheelchair hooted as he lift his hands to the air, as if searching for something. The boy immediately bowed his head, letting the hand touched his hair.

"How's your day, Daisya?"

Daisya smiled and closed his eyes. "Pretty well. Someone gave a tip today. 5,000 yen."

The man on the whellchair whistled. "Wow.. That was pretty big for a tip."

"I know, right? That's why I gave it Okumura-san but he insisted that I take it and give it to kids."

The boy watched the man smile again.

"How about you? How's your day, Allen? Did Tyki bully you again today?" He glared at the back of the oblivious man who was now talking to the nuns right now.

Allen laughed at this and ruffled the spiky hair once again. "You bet, Daisya."

"Should I smack his face now? I have my soccer ball here, you know."

"Nah. I'd rather hear your stories for today."

Daisya smiled and tapped Allen's pale hands. "Alright. I'll tell you."

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_"Even if we could turn back, we'd probably never end up where we started."  
**— Haruki Murakami**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own.

**Author's Notes:** Yaada... Yadaa... You know the drill.

**Another note:** I know I've been saying this for a very long time now, but yeah, I'm going to say it again: The story is now moving. (Yeah, right. *hearing a loud booing crowd*)

_Eherm_. We are almost half-way through. Seriously. Or as far as I am (the story) concern. So, thank you so much for sticking with me.

* * *

_"There was a long hard time _

_when I kept far from me the remembrance of what I had thrown away _

_when I was quite ignorant of its worth." _

**Charles Dickens**

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The door was open.

Kanda looked around and saw no one so he barged in, his head was cocking left and right, looking for any sign of life in his dream. He knew it was a dream – not because he knew he again fell asleep in the middle of painting, but because he was feeling light, as if weighing nothing. Dreaming was something he always looked forward to because only here he could feel something from the empty space of his reality – and if he's lucky, the Goddess of dreams – or whatever it was called – would let him see Allen here.

Sometimes, he would Allen laughing, smiling. But sometimes, he would see a crying white-haired boy whose body was tainted with crimson liquid from head to toe.

It was nightmarish.

Kanda would sometimes wake up screaming, his whole body was quivering, and his hands were extended in the air as if he was reaching for something.

Sometimes, he would dream he had already found Allen, that he was already forgiven, and that Allen was again smiling right beside him like nothing happened – only to wake up empty handed, his mind muddled from the dream he had, and his heart, like all the pieces of his soul, void of hope.

Then, there were also times when he would dream that he was holding Allen in his arms. He would stare to those ash-colored orbs, those cherry lips, and the pallid face of the boy he once knew.

A smiling Allen, a laughing Allen.

He would let himself drown in the warm feeling of the bared body next to him, refusing to let it all end.

Those were the times that Kanda realized that the affection he felt for him didn't ebb by the years the boy had been away from him – that the time separating them only intensified his longing, and now that he was ready to accept it all, he was dreaming of those dreams more frequently than before, bringing him more pain.

It was painful.

Beyond painful.

But Kanda embraced them all – because that was all he had.

And now, he was wondering if he would again see Allen here in this dream.

He continued walking until he reached a particular place with nothing but another single door. He closed his eyes when he felt his chest thudded, as if his heart was telling him something.

He walked towards the door.

Squinting his eyes, he peered closely at the weird-looking door in front of him. His eyebrows arched when he realized that it was... chocolate.

A door made out of chocolates.

In fact, it looked like a big bar of chocolate.

He slowly extended his hand to touch it. And then, when he was only an inch away from the door, it suddenly vanished into the thin air.

But before that, Kanda swore he heard children's laughter before the door completely vanished in front of him.

And then, complete darkness enveloped him.

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..

Kanda abruptly opened his eyes. He blinked away the drowsiness of his sleep and stretched his complaining neck and arm. He looked at his watch and sighed. It was already two in afternoon.

He heard a knock at the door.

Kanda heard Kojie's voice and he stood.

"Kanda? The car's ready."

"Yeah, I'll be right there. Just give me half an hour," he bellowed as he gathered his painting brushes still scattered around the floor.

"Alright. Just call me if you're ready."

Kanda didn't answer. He heard the fainting sounds of Kojie's footsteps, and then he stopped.

He looked around the room and all the paintings he finished for four months here at Kagakura-san's beach mansion.

He sighed as he continued clearing the room. He checked his duffel bag and the boxes where he put his brushes and other painting paraphernalia.

Time passed him by so fast and now was the time to leave.

He already accepted the fact that Allen wasn't here and staying here won't make Allen appear in front of him. He had to search another place again. Maybe in Sapporo, or in Tokyo. Anywhere's fine. As long as it would bring him closer to where Allen was... really, anywhere was fine.

Kanda reached for his phone inside his pocket and dialed Kojie's number.

"_Are you ready?"_

"Yeah," he answered, his eyes were fixated on a particular painting at the corner of the room. He made it three weeks ago. Painted it the whole night – never stopping once. Then one night, when Kagakura asked if he was going to sell it, he shook his head.

"_It's a nice painting," the old woman complimented as she eyed the portrait with an honest affection. "Do you know this person?"_

_Kanda lowered his head, his lips tightened a little bit, "Yes."_

"_A childhood friend of yours?" Kagakura asked again, her eyes were shimmering under the pale moonlight. _

_Kanda searched for the rightful words, but miserably failed. _

_He could only utter these words; "More than a childhood friend," and then he watched as Kagakura-san slowly smiled, her face was so peaceful._

"_I see," she said._

_Kanda looked away. He was afraid that he was letting her see things more than he intended – as if she could understand beyond his words and that she was seeing his lifetime's story just by looking right through his eyes. _

_It made him shiver. _

Kanda continued to stare at those soulful eyes, caressing each fine detail of the canvass.

It was as if the painting was also staring back at him – and it was smiling.

The person in the canvass is smiling.

He sadly smiled.

"_Kanda? Kanda? You coming?"_ He was startled with Kojie's voice at the end of the receiver, and then he remembered that he was still talking to him.

"Y-yeah. I'll be right there," he pressed the end-call button of his cell phone and sighed.

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"Are you ready?" Kojie ecstatically asked Kanda for the fifteenth time that morning. He looked so energized and well-slept while Kanda looked like he didn't sleep for months. "Are you ready?" The man was practically bouncing on his feet.

Kanda glared at him.

"Is Kanda-kun alright?" Kagakura-san asked while looking worriedly to the young man. "I heard that he was painting the whole night. I think you should let him rest first, Kojie-kun... I wouldn't mind letting you two stay here for another day."

Kojie laughed merrily, "Don't worry so much, Kagakura-san! He can get his rest in the car. And besides, we'll be riding Tiedoll-sama's private jet when we arrive at the airport. I specifically requested it, you see. I don't want Kanda-kun here to be stress again because of the long journey!"

Kanda fiercely looked at the loud man wildly flapping in front of Kagakura-san; his eyes were as sharp as a new knife.

Kojie, at long last, noticed this and bid his remaining goodbyes right away.

Kanda noticed that the man hugged _almost _all of the female attendants of the beach mansion that made him roll his eyes.

Kagakura-san walked towards Kanda and the latter bowed, saying his wordless thanks to the kind, old woman.

"Take care of yourself, Kanda-kun," she said as she sweetly smiled. She extended his hand and gently ruffled Kanda's hair.

Kojie's mouth fell in the ground. His eyes were wide opened, comically bulging inside their rightful sockets.

No one – and he meant 'no one' – was allowed to touch and worst, 'ruffle' Kanda's crowning glory!

This old woman was as good as dead!

Kojie watched the scene with a hazy mind, now thinking of alibis as to why Kagakura won't be seeing the new morning of tomorrow.

And then, something happened.

Kanda actually smiled – it was so little that his mouth barely stretched, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Kanda-kun didn't go wild and he actually _smiled_.

Kojie blinked.

He watched Kanda bowed again for the second time.

He must be dreaming, right?

He now perfectly understood why people say the world will end in 2012.

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..

Tyki smiled as he draped the comforter on Allen.

The young man fell asleep while listening to the brat's stories. Daisya was a dear friend to Allen and he always looked forward hearing his stories more than anyone else. Sometimes, Tyki couldn't help but be jealous over the attention Allen was giving Daisya, but he knew it was just his childish side talking.

The truth is, he was glad that the brat, no matter how annoying and crude the boy to him, could brighten Allen's day anytime. It put him at eased knowing that there were people who truly cared for Allen.

He was about to push Allen's wheelchair when he was stopped by two small hands.

"I can take Allen to his room," he roughly said, his eyes were sharp.

He was clearly declaring a silent war to him.

"_You like him."_

Tyki sighed as he remembered what Daisya said to him two months after he met Allen. He was surprised how a small boy could see through him despite his friendly facade.

"_You like him and I don't like that."_

The doctor reasserted himself. He gently pushed the little hands away, and smiled to Daisya who was clearly displeased to his action.

"I know you can take him to his room. But I don't believe you'll be able to actually lift him to his bed. We don't want to disturb his sleep, don't we?" He whispered, his voice was almost cajoling.

The boy's eyes narrow.

Uh-oh.

Rephrase, Tyki. Rehrase. Damn it.

"I-I mean, Allen badly need to s-sleep, Daisya and I think it'll be best if we just let him rest for today, right? I mean, I k-know you are a capable young man and you can protect Allen from any harm and I am not saying I'm better than you – no, not at all. So, can we let this pass for now?"

The boy looked at Allen, then back at him, like he was trying to think. And then, much to Tyki's glee, the boy seemed to understand his point.

However, the heated glared did not stop.

"Fine. But I'm tagging along. There's no way I'll let Allen be alone with you," he said in a low voice, but with a fine tinge of resolve and distrust.

Tyki almost wanted to slam the small tyke to the ground.

"Alright," he managed to say, without sounding too stiff.

The boy, still glaring at him, evilly grinned. Or at least that was what he saw.

"Remember, I'm watching you."

Tyki generally loved kids. But this one? Oh, there was always an exception, right?

"What are you still waiting for? Don't let Allen catch cold here. I will never forgive you if that happens!"

Tyki frustratingly dug his teeth at his upper lip.

..

..

..

"Your father called me a while ago and he told me to bring you to the main mansion right after we landed to Tokyo, no ifs and definitely no buts," Kojie said, waiting for the young man behind him to retaliate but he heard none.

He was sure that Kanda wouldn't make this easier for him, but here he was, being awfully silent.

It was so bizarre.

Usually, Kanda would hiss right away upon hearing the main mansion where he used to live when he was still a child. It was only two and a half years ago when Kanda decided to leave the place. He didn't exactly know why but it was around the death of Lavi, the older half brother of Kanda.

Well, it sounded reasonable enough. Who would want to stay in a place where you could be reminded everyday of the tragic death of your only brother?

But since then, Kanda stopped painting. He stopped talking and just buried himself inside his room in his new pad.

It took them almost a year before they could persuade the young man to paint again, and to go outside and mingle to other people. And the stint became much harder because Kanda was originally a shut-in. It also didn't help that Kanda wasn't really fond of talking that much.

Being infamously cold and rude didn't help his situation, either.

"I want a chocolate."

Kojie abruptly stepped on the break. He almost gave the windshield a long French kiss.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kanda shouted behind him, making Kojie cringed.

"W-what did you say?" He asked, making sure he heard Kanda right.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"N-no. N-not that. Before t-that."

Kanda looked at him; brows were almost forming a straight line on his face. He then shouted; "I said I want a fucking chocolate. What the hell's wrong with you? Are you trying to kill me?" He said after stringing it with colorful curses that danced rowdily in Kojie's ears.

Oh. So he wasn't just hearing things after all.

He stared at the long road ahead of them, not blinking.

So it was true? That it was already the end of the world?

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..

Kagakura-san smiled as she eyed the new paintings now adorning her home. Kanda-kun was really good and she was glad that the young man accepted her offer to stay at the beach mansion to paint.

She sipped her coffee while her eyes were never leaving the canvasses. There was something about the paintings that luring her to watch – the warm colors and the meticulous way the brush moved on the canvass. It was certainly enticing to look at – but it was just as sad. It was as if the masterpieces were giving the observer the impression of beauty and sadness wrapped in one intricately detailed painting.

Kagakura-san slowly put down her cup. She watched the light play with the coffee in her mug.

She really hoped that Kanda-kun would find what he was looking for.

He was a proud young man, but she knew that he was just sad and that his cold demeanor was just a thick cape that used to cover his bare soul.

Kanda-kun was a kind young man.

And she wanted him to be happy or at least she wished him the happiness the fate failed to bestow her.

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..

And it was, indeed, the end of the world.

Kojie lifelessly tagged along with Kanda while the man filled the shopping cart with of different kinds of chocolates he didn't even know existed.

People were now starting to notice what Kanda had been doing and they were all ogling the two of them like they were some kind aliens.

Well, they certainly looked ridiculous right now.

A grown up man wearing a suit and a tie and a ridiculously tall and handsome young man pushing a shopping cart overflowing with chocolates – definitely laughable.

"K-Kanda?" He called him, evading the curious stares of two young ladies clad in short skirts visibly eyeing the two of them. Kojie almost whined when he saw them giggled before they disappeared at the corner of the chocolates section.

"If you are so ashamed of shopping, then go back to the car. You're the one who insisted to go in here," Kanda coolly said, as he read the label of a chocolate bar in his hand as if the pile of chocolates inside the shopping cart weren't enough.

Kojie reddened.

"I am n-not ashamed!" He squeaked. "It's just that you're dragging people's unnecessary attention! What are you going to do with all those chocolates anyway? You don't even like sweets, remember?"

Kanda didn't reply.

Kojie dramatically sighed. "I can already hear people talking."

"Then let them talk. I don't particularly care."

"But I do!"

"Then go home. I can go back by myself. You don't have to accompany me anymore."

"Are you nuts? Do you want Tiedoll-sama to kill me?"

Kanda startled Kojie when he suddenly turned around and stared at him.

"W-what?" He asked, his stance was defensive.

"That's a very good idea."

Confused, he asked. "W-what?"

Kanda smirked and for some reason, it sent shivers down Kojie's spine.

"The old man killing you."

Trust Kanda to say something like that.

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..

The attendants inside the huge beach mansion bowed to the incoming guest.

The man kindly smiled at them, urging them to stop bowing and that made some of the attendants to giggle and blush, especially Marianne.

"Looking good, girls."

That remark just made them blush even more.

"You sure don't change, _obochama_,"a voice of an old woman suddenly echoed at the room. She was standing at the front door, wearing a traditional kimono like all the other attendants but she her dress looked more formal than any of them.

"Ayako-_baasan_!"

The old woman smiled and she opened her arms as the man ran to her and embraced her.

"And you still act as if you're only fifteen years old," she added as he close her eyes and rest her head to the wide chest in front of her.

She couldn't believe that the shy boy she used to take care before was already his big.

The man only smirked and planted an affectionate kiss on the old woman's cheeks.

"And you act as if you haven't seen me in years. I was here four months ago, right?" He smiled. "Anyway, how's my aunt? I haven't

The old woman smiled.

"Too bad you didn't pay another visit since then. Did you know that she arrived three days after your last visit?"

"Aunt already arrived four months ago? Why didn't you give me a call?"

"Well, the mistress was busy these last few months because of an important guest."

"A guest, you say?" He asked, bewilderment was written all over his face. Her aunt was a private person and someone who have few people she called friends.

"Who was it?" He asked.

The old woman stopped for a moment, and then said, "A certain Kanda Yuu-sama. Kagakura-sama asked him to paint paintings for the resort, since the summer is almost here. She'll open the resort again this year."

"Is he still here?" he said, hoping to see this painter. Her aunt was renowned for being meticulously fastidious when it comes to paintings.

The old woman shook her head. "Actually, they just left yesterday."

"Oh. Too bad, then," he exclaimed.

He glanced at the west wall of the mansion and saw a painting hanging on it. It was a breathtaking image of the sea at noon. The waves seemed like they were real.

"Is that one of his paintings?" He asked the Ayako-baachan, his eyes were never leaving the painting.

"Yes."

_Kanda Yuu, huh. _

Why was the name sound so unbelievably familiar?

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_"Moving on is easy. It's staying moved on that's trickier."_

**Katerina Stoykova Klemer**

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**TBC**

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And that's it, folks. Hope you all enjoyed it. :)

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**Allena Moyashi Walker:** Thank you so much for reading! ^_^

**Kuroya-hime:** Don't worry, I have those obsessions too. I guess you'll be seeing Daisya for a while now. And he doesn't know Kanda – or at least, not yet. And about those connections.. hmm.. let us see.

**BlueStar1937:** Don't worry! If there's something I can promise right now, that is the fact that Daisya will not die in this story. I hate the way he died in the manga/anime and I'm not going to write something I loathe. And... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND REVIEWING~!

**Glon Morski:** I was thinking about that last week, you know. Then, something came up and... ahm... well. XD Thanks for the review! Mwah! mwah!

**xx-Yuu-Chan-xx:** *hides in a corner* yikes. And you really have to remind me about my untimely hiatus... hahaha... just kidding. I am so sorry about that. Don't worry; I'll try to bind my brain next time. So that it'll never run away again. Thanks for reading!

**shia naru:** Oh, thanks for that! I'm glad you enjoyed reading my stories. I really do. And about Neah... Well, for now, let's just wait for the story to unfold. *smiles*

**Licohriqxe:** I MISS YOU TOO! And here I though you already abandoned me... *sniffs* Just kidding... hahaha... I was just glad to hear from you again. Truth to be told, I miss reading your reviews. Really. XD And I am literally bouncing on my seat right now because of happiness. XD I am so sorry for the very late reply, though.. I'm not regularly checking my inbox and my FF account these last few weeks because of my rather hectic schedule but everything's fine now. ^_^ So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!

Manigong Bagong Taon din at Maligayang Araw na rin ng mga Puso! ^_^

**sayo-chan64:** Yay! I'm glad you like it! XD Thank you so much for reading. And don't worry, there is still a lot of flirting coming from Tyki. XD 'Cause I love a flirting Tyki too!

**Torinator:** And here's an update! Thanks for reading the last chapter. :) Hope you'll like this chapter too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own DGM and the song 'Blind' by Lifehouse. **

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"My son!"

Kanda swiftly dodged the looming danger that was Tiedol and quickly closed the door of his room.

"As expected of my son! So quick and so agile!" The old man exclaimed at the other side of the door. "Nee, Yuu-kun, won't you open this door? I want to hear stories of your long stay at Kagakura-san's beach mansion. I wish I could have been there. Nee... Yuu-kun..."

Kanda 'tsk'ed and glared at the door. He let his body collapsed on the bed and closed his eyes, momentarily blocking all the sounds in his surroundings. He could still hear his father's whining though. He pulled his iPod player on his pocket and shoved his earphones in his ears.

He just wanted to be alone right now.

Kanda breathed slowly as he listened to the even beating of his heart.

_I was young but I wasn't naive. _

_I watched helpless as you turned around to leave_

_And still I have the pain I have to carry_

_A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried_

_I would fall asleep_

_Only in hopes dreaming_

_That everything would be like it was before_

_But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting_

_They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor_

_After all this time_

_I never thought we'd be here_

_Never thought we'd be here_

_When my love for you is blind_

_But I couldn't make you see it_

_I couldn't make you see it_

_That I loved you more you than you'll ever know_

_When a part of me died when I let you go._

Kanda buried his face to the soft pillow on his head.

He would talk to the old man later.

For now... he just wanted to be alone.

_When a part of me died when I let you go._

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..

"Piano lessons again?" Tyki asked, his body was leaning on the opened door of Allen's room.

The young man on sitting on the bed smiled, too, as he continued his packing. "I'll be there for two days," he said. "I'll be back this Saturday _and_," Allen made a face while sticking out his tongue. "I already told the nuns. So there is no way you can stop me now, Tyki-sensei."

Tyki's smile widened. The doctor shook his head while amusingly watching the white haired young man folded few shirts and shoved it into his small travelling bag.

"I can't really win against you, huh," he dejectedly exclaimed, albeit amusingly, as he slowly walked towards Allen. "You're always breaking my heart, Allen-chan..."

The white haired man just laughed.

For a moment, the cheerful face of Allen held Tyki captivated and suddenly, he felt happy he woke up early today.

"You want help?" Tyki offered as he continued watching the slow movements of his patient. "I can help separate your regular undies to your special undies..." he teasingly added, eagerly waiting for the redness to creep on those pale cheeks.

Sadly, it didn't come.

Allen's void eyes stared in nothingness, blinking; as if thinking about what the doctor had said.

Tyki burst into laughter.

That made Allen more confused than before.

Regrettably, the young man didn't understand the playful innuendo.

Just like he always did.

"Never mind," he said, a gentle smile crossed on his face, his eyes was gleaming with fondness for the white haired young man. "But really, I want to help. It'll be easier, right?" he insisted.

Allen tilted his head. "Alright," he said, obviously curious. Baffled, even. "What's with you today?" He asked.

Tyki just continued smiling. "Hmmm?"

"There is something weird about you today..."

The doctor sat on the bed near where Allen was slumped. "What is it, then?" He cajoled Allen to talk more, enjoying the different kinds of expressions Allen was showing on his naively beautiful face.

Allen pouted for a minute before he lightly tapped a hand on the surface of the bed. "I know!" he exclaimed, his moist, supple lips were slightly parted.

He really tried not to stare.

Tyki started to get uncomfortable.

But Allen was forcing him to look and he just couldn't turn his eyes away from his unknowing face, oblivious about the inner turmoil surfacing in Tyki's mind.

"You sounded so happy, Tyki. Did something happen?" Allen asked, not aware of the eyes staring on his lips.

Tyki gulped as he turned his gaze away from Allen. He took a white shirt lying on the bed and hastily folded it. "What do you mean? I am always happy." He cursed inwardly.

_Damn! Damn! Damn!_

His voice was croaking!

He saw Allen shook his head. "No. You sound different today." Allen was unconsciously wetting his lips _again _– using his tongue.

And from there, he knew that Allen was doing it again.

It was one of his_ bad_ habits. Licking and biting his lips.

A very bad habit, indeed.

Tyki sighed as he closed his eyes. Really, calm down, heart. Calm down...

"Tyki?" Allen called.

He abruptly opened his eyes, and quickly answered.

"Yeah, something is _definitely_ different with me today. You are right."

Too quickly for his liking.

Tyki inwardly cursed himself again.

He was afraid that Allen might be sensing what he was feeling at the moment.

The white haired young man scrunched his eyebrows. "Care to tell me?" He asked, oblivious that his black oversized shirt was now slowly falling on his shoulders, revealing more of his extremely pale neck to Tyki.

Tyki was lost for words. He blinked a few more before he grabbed Allen's shoulders, his hands were slightly digging on Allen's.

"Stop wearing this oversized shirt, Allen. It looks pretty _horrible_ on you, believe me." He seriously said.

It was now Allen's turn to be at lost for words. "W-what?" Then, Allen winced when he felt those hands squeezed his shoulders a little too hard.

Tyki removed his grip on Allen like he was burned. "S-sorry..."

Allen waved his hand as if saying it was nothing.

"Sister Annie gave this to me last week. It feels great especially when you are sleeping at night. It's... airy."

"I can see that," Tyki deadpanned, and eyed the monstrous shirt like it was a abomination. He was determined to get rid of that nasty oversized shirt – of that nasty, _seducing,_ oversized shirt.

Allen stopped for a while, thinking.

It seemed like the seconds were dragging a little too slow for Tyki – as if the time was teasing and testing him out.

Like, how long would he be able to survive?

Allen remained silent for a while whereas Tyki remained stiff as a cadaver.

And then, after sometimes, Allen did what he thought Tyki was telling him to do.

The young man started taking the shirt off his body.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Tyki hollered as he stopped Allen from taking off his shirt in front of him. He swore he could already saw the pale, small waist of the Allen. "Why are you taking your shirt off?"

Allen blinked. "But you told me it looks horrible on me."

Tyki's eyes widened. "I-I did! But don't take it off – not when I'm still here, you idiot!"

Allen's eyebrows creased yet again. "What's wrong with that?"

Tyki massaged his head for the impending headache. "Everything."

"I don't... get it."

Pulling the hairs on his head sounded like a very nice idea to Tyki right now.

He badly wanted to light a cigarette. His hand began to twitch as if it was itching to hold one.

"Just... Just don't do that again especially when somebody is around, alright?" He said.

"You mean taking my shirt off?"

"_Yes."_

Allen titled his head.

"I still couldn't understand. What's wrong with changing my clothes in front of you? It's not as if you are a girl, Tyki."

Rephrase. He wanted to light a whole pack of cigarettes right now.

"No. That is where you are wrong –"

_Pbbt_. Tyki heard the young man snickered much to his surprise.

"You mean you're a girl?"

"No!" Tyki raised his voice, his eyes were still lingering on that pale neck. Shit. "Don't _ever_ change clothes in front of a guy, Allen. Or anybody. You understand me?" His face contorted into an ugly scowl, and Tyki was glad for the first time that Allen couldn't see him.

Not when he was blushing like a fucking idiot.

Shit. Really.

Not when he was so aware of Allen's presence more than ever.

For that, Tyki was thankful.

"Frankly? I don't understand," Allen deadpanned. "Can I change my clothes now?"

"NO!"

..

..

..

"Is Allen coming today, Elsa?"

The woman, Elsa, shook her head. It was the fourth time she was asked the same question today. Elsa looked at the young girl sitting on the grand canopy in the balcony of her room while staring blankly at the open sky. She had been sitting there for almost an hour now and the ice tea she brought to her was still unmoved.

The young lady was waiting for him again.

The blind piano teacher whose smile could light a room. Him.

It seemed like the young mistress was infatuated.

But she knew she wouldn't admit it. Not to her, nor to herself.

The young mistress was too diffident to do something like that and she knew that it was, somehow, frustrating the young lady to some extent.

She knew it was hard liking someone and not be able to say it.

Elsa's eyes dropped. The faint light on her face dimmed as the clouds moved to cover the sun.

She knew how hard it was.

The young lady stood after a while, and walked towards the room where the grand white piano was lying. The cover was already elevated because the young mistress had been there early this morning but she didn't hear her play.

She slowly pulled the black chair resting beneath it and sat, her long fingers were trailing the black and white keys.

She just stared at the keys, her eyes were distant.

"What time is it, Elsa?" She asked, her expression was vacant like always.

"It's nine in the morning, Miss."

No response.

Elsa continued cleaning the bookshelf and abruptly stopped when the young lady played a few tunes.

The music coming from the piano filled the room with intoxicated melodies.

The young lady's music had always been painfully sad.

And somehow, the long absence of his piano teacher made her music more poignant than before.

It sounded so frail and yet, so heartbreakingly beautiful.

..

..

..

"My nephew came?"

Ayako slightly bowed in front of her mistress, slightly perturbed that she upset her. She was rather upset to herself that failed to inform her about the arrival her nephew two days ago.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Kagakura-san smiled at her, as if sensing her worries.

"What did he say? That boy... He should have called me," Kagakura shook her head like she was talking to herself. "What did he say, Ayako-san? Did he say he will visit the resort again?" She fired her questions at her and the old woman thoughtfully smiled as she nodded.

"Yes. He told me he would return this week and that he needed to talk to you."

For a moment, the woman gazed at the infinite horizon where the sea was resting. "It has been so long since I last saw that boy," she murmured and then looked up at her. "How was he? Was he growing beard again?"

Ayako laughed. "I couldn't imagine him having a beard again, Kagakura-san."

The last time the man tried to grow a beard, he instantly became the butt of all the jokes of the employees in the resort. The women were all hysterically laughing while the men were a little discreet with their amusements.

Upon remembering, Kagakura laughed, too.

"That boy's so unpredictable," she said, fondess was flicking on her eyes. "But he knows what he wants so I guess it's alright..."

_That boy... _Kagakura-san kept on referring to him as 'that boy' as if he was still the same child he held in her arms years and years ago.

Ayako smiled.

"Yes," she said.

..

..

..

"I need to speak with her, _please_." Tyki emphasized the urgency of his call to the woman at the other line of the phone. He just sent Allen off a couple of minutes ago. A private chauffer was sent to drive Allen to the mansion where his student was waiting. He wasn't glad that he couldn't drive Allen but he was immediately silenced by Allen's laughter when he learned that his student specially sent a chauffeur to make his journey more comfortable. The excitement of going out was apparent on Allen's visage.

Well, he couldn't confine the young man inside the orphanage forever. That he perfectly knew.

He had to go out, one way or another.

Tyki sighed as he waited.

"_Hello?"_ A small voice spoke and Tyki straighten his back as if he was meeting her personally.

"Tyki here," he said, his eyes were fixated on picture of Allen and the kids on the side table. "I need to talk to you."

"_We're already talking,_" a curt retort.

Tyki ignored the offhanded reply and instead, focused on his point. "Don't make him play _that _piece," he said.

"_I take it that he is on his way now. It's about time," _the small replied and Tyki was a little annoyed that he was brushed off like he was just some kind of dust.

"Do not make him play that piece," he said again, more forceful than before. He was gritting his teeth in annoyance and all he wanted to do right now was to bang the telephone receiver on the nearest wall.

"_You can't have him all to yourself, Tyki. Do not be so selfish."_

Tyki clenched his fist. Teeth gritting, he snarled, "Allen is not a toy. Stop treating him like one, Road."

There was a pregnant silence from the other line that Tyki thought the call had been abandoned.

"_Allen likes me!" _

Tyki scrunched his eyebrows to the fiery uproar.

"Allen likes _everyone_," he calmly stated.

"_He likes me, and you are so jealous that he chooses to be with me rather than be with you!"_

"He's your piano teacher."

"_Lies! He likes me!"_

Tyki sighed. This was going nowhere.

"Look, Road," Tyki massaged his temple. "Just don't let Allen play that piece and –"

"_Tyki-sama," _a stiff voice was suddenly replaced the hysterical howling at the other line.

Tyki paused. "Elsa?" He asked.

"_Yes, Tyki-sama."_

"Where's Road?"

Tyki heard a long sigh.

"_We ushered her to her room. Please refrain from upsetting Road-sama, Tyki-sama."_

"I am not upsetting her. I was just telling her not to let Allen play –"

"_She was crying."_

"She always cries!"

Another sigh. "This is exactly the reason why I don't want her to talk to you, master."

Now, it was Tyki's turn to draw out a long, frustrated sigh. "She's overworking him, Elsa..."

A few seconds past before Tyki heard the woman spoke with a low voice like she was almost murmuring; _"It's all about him."_

Tyki didn't know if he heard her right, so obviously, he tried to ask her again.

But the woman evaded his questions and instead, she talked about his 'cunning ability to make the young mistress unbelievably upset in just a matter of minutes'.

"She's the one who's cunning," he murmured, almost pouting.

"_She's a child."_

"I was a child once –we–but we never tried to keep our _friends _close all the time. We let them meet other people too. We let them play with other kids, and developed bonds with other people. Road isn't like that. Once she decided on something, she will never let it go. It's _hard_ for her to let go."

"_But she really likes the piano teacher..."_

Tyki draw out an exasperated sigh again. "But that doesn't mean she can exhaust Allen like a machine!"

A paused.

"_You care too much about him."_

Tyki halted.

There was an unfathomable sadness in those words that Tyki couldn't put a finger on.

Elsa sounded like she didn't like Allen.

Tyki's eyebrows creased.

"_I deeply apologize, Tyki-sama. I should have not said that."_

"No... I'm the one who should be sorry." He stopped for a while to breathe. "Sorry for taking it out on you, Elsa.

"_It's nothing, Sir."_

Tyki smiled. "I told you to stop calling me that."

When Elsa didn't reply, Tyki sighed again as he said, "Please tell my cousin I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

"_Kashikomarimashita."_

And then, just like that, she was gone.

He slowly put the receiver to its place and scratched his head.

Tyki gazed again at the smiling picture of Allen. He raised his fingers to touch the surface of the photo and with a downhearted voice, he said, "You are too kind for your own good, Allen."

..

..

..

Kanda was arranging his things when he noticed something was amiss.

He promptly raided the painting materials and few canvasses that he brought from Kagakura-san's resorts, looking for something and stopped when he realized that it wasn't there.

He stood there stunned and upset; his mind was racing of all possibilities of where he could have left it.

Then he remembered something.

_"__Are you ready?"_

_"Yeah," he answered, his eyes were fixated on a particular painting at the corner of the room. He made it three weeks ago. Painted it the whole night – never stopping once. Then one night, when Kagakura asked if he was going to sell it, he shook his head._

_"__It's a nice painting," the old woman complimented as she eyed the portrait with an honest affection. "Do you know this person?"_

_Kanda lowered his head, his lips tightened a little bit, "Yes."_

_"__A childhood friend of yours?" Kagakura asked again, her eyes were shimmering under the pale moonlight. _

_Kanda searched for the rightful words, but miserably failed. _

_He could only utter these words; "More than a childhood friend," and then he watched as Kagakura-san slowly smiled, her face was so peaceful._

_"__I see," she said._

_Kanda looked away. He was afraid that he was letting her see things more than he intended – as if she could understand beyond his words and that she was seeing his lifetime's story just by looking right through his eyes. _

_It made him shiver. _

_Kanda continued to stare at those soulful eyes, caressing each fine detail of the canvass._

_It was as if the painting was also staring back at him – and it was smiling._

_The person in the canvass is smiling._

_He sadly smiled._

_"__Kanda? Kanda? You coming?"__ He was startled with Kojie's voice at the end of the receiver, and then he remembered that he was still talking to him._

_"Y-yeah. I'll be right there," he pressed the end-call button of his cell phone and sighed._

He forgot the painting at his room back at the resort.

Kanda sighed as he scratched his head. He pulled out his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number.

"_Hello?"_

"Kojie, I need to speak with you."

..

..

..

**TBC**

**..**

**..**

**..  
**

**Author's Note: **And Road enters... *clap! clap!* Hope you like the chapter. It's kind of slow but I assure that it is now moving... slowly but surely. I don't know about Allen, but I sure do want the two of them to meet again. I sure do.

I'll give you guys a hint on where this story is now going. Remember the painting Kanda _accidentally_ left at Kagakura-san's resort? That's where everything will start – again. Be sure not to overlook the small details in the story. It's important!

And Tyki... hahaha! I love the guy. I enjoy writing Tyki while he is interacting with Allen. But don't worry, this is YULLEN so... yeah. It'll be YULLEN. Till the end. But I love Tyki. (And of course, Kanda) XD

My million thanks to the following people for still reading and reviewing, and for sticking with me in this story! Thanks guys! ^_^

**Kuroya-hime**

**Allena Moyashi Walker**

**Soaha**

**Sayo-chan64**

**xx-Yuu-Chan-xx**

**Licohriqxe**

**shia naru**

**1Q84**

**lal**

**Hanashi o suru**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters.

* * *

"What?" Kojie, who still asleep thirty seconds ago, was now sitting on the edge of this bed, his head throbbing. "Are you _nuts_? We've just arrived and you wanna go back again? What kind of joke is this?"

"_I left something in there. It's important."_

Kojie scratched his head. "Can't you just call them and have it ship here?"

"_No."_

"C'mon, Kanda! Don't be unreasonable. I also have a job, you know? Besides from babysitting you. I can't just disappear for another week. I'll be fired!"

"_I already called the old man. He said you're free to go."_

Kojie almost strangled the phone receiver.

"_He also said that if you refuse me, you'll be fired. So, are you going or not?"_

_AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!_ "Fine! I'll freaking go! As if I have a choice!" _Youfreakingspoiledbrat _–

"_Buy us tickets. I want to be there this evening," _Kanda said before the call was abruptly cut.

Kojie was left mouth hanging wide opened.

How about his super deluxe one month fully-paid holiday that Tiedoll-sama promised him after they got back from Kagakura-san's mansion?

"I hate you, Tiedoll-samaaa!" he cried.

...

Tyki sighed. Elsa was really too fond of Road. He couldn't help but worry about Allen. The man was just too gullible. He was afraid that Road would insist him to play that piece... and Allen would remember nasty things about his past again. He didn't want him to revert back to his old self again. Silent, cold, lifeless... He didn't want to see Allen in that state again.

A curt vibration on his pocket halted his thoughts. It was his phone. Tyki smiled when he saw who it was and immediately answered the call.

It's about time.

"Auntie!" Tyki gleefully greeted. "I went there two days ago... yeah... Ayako-baasan was so excited to see me," he laughed. "Anyway, how are you? I heard you are restoring the resort for this summer?"

"I see... Good for you and for your business."

"Oh yeah... I almost forgot to tell you. Can I come there tomorrow? There is someone I want you to meet. Yeah. Remember him? Yes. His name is Allen Walker. He's my patient and he's a very good friend."

...

"Welcome, Allen-sama. The young mistress is waiting for you at the music room."

Allen fidgeted. Well, he had been fidgeting for the last fifteen minutes of his life since the car that drove him down here left. He was ushered by a soft-spoken woman that Allen guessed was Eleanor, the charismatic caretaker of his student. Or was it Elsa?

Allen couldn't remember well.

He was never good in remembering names.

Damn. Why was he so darn nervous? It was not like this was his first time to be here. He had been coming here since last year and he was darn proud that his student was learning well. Said student was also Tyki's cousin, Road Kamelot.

Maybe that was why he was he was being fidgety today.

Road was a nice girl. She had been nothing but good to him, always listening and enthusiastic about what they were doing. The thing was, there was something off about the girl that Allen couldn't quite put a finger on.

She was mysterious and yet, she was also sweet.

Very much opposite her cousin, Tyki.

Tyki was more honest about himself.

She was silent most of the time and silence was never a comfortable feeling for Allen. He preferred lively settings and listening to voices of people.

Silence always made him feel anxious.

Allen heard the door opened and from there, he heard Road's distinctly feminine voice and he rose as a greeting to her.

A small body was suddenly wrapped on him and he smiled, throwing all his edginess in the air. Road was a seventeen-year-old girl who loved playing piano. Like him, she enjoyed playing classics like Beethoven.

"Allen!"

Allen smiled as he opened his arms. She sounded lively today. That was a nice start. "Nice to hear you again, Road," he said, pleased with the cheerful voice he had heard. Road was, in a way, just like Tykki – sometimes obnoxious, but just as sweet and caring. Both had infamous tempers that only Allen had actually 'seen'.

"I was getting impatient... I thought you weren't going to come anymore," Road pouted as she watched the white haired man move his hands to feel her face. "I miss you..."

Allen beamed. "Did you miss me or my music?"

Road grinned. "Both."

"Alright," Allen bend to get his bag but it was immediately snatched.

"Let me," Road offered.

Allen just smiled. "If you insist, My Lady."

"This way please," she said as she slowly took her hands off Allen and guided the piano teacher to the stool of the piano. Allen could imagine her pouting. "What are we going to play today?"

Allen could tell that he was being stared at. Again.

Road Kamelot had a strange habit of studying his face. How did he know it? Simple. When his eyesight was taken from him, his other senses became heightened.

For some strange reason, Allen could tell if the person he was talking to was studying him – or just plain staring. He didn't really mind the staring, but sometimes, it bothered him.

"Do you have any specific piece you want to play today?" He asked her, hoping it would divert her attention. He slowly sat on the stool and he felt the gentle hands of Road guiding him.

He smiled.

Allen heard the girl hum.

It was a familiar song.

Too familiar in fact.

_"__Tsunaida te ni Kiss wo_..." He muttered, his hands were beginning to get cold.

He felt Road's hand on his, gently clamping them.

"It's Allen's least favorite piece, right?"

Allen tried to shake away the nasty feeling that was slowly covering him and smiled, "N-not really."

"So, can you play it for me?" The voice became cheerful.

Allen felt a thousand needles prickling his head.

"I-If Road-chan want... then why not?"

Silence.

His agitation must have shown on his face. Road's face saddened while staring at his teacher. Allen looked thoroughly shaken.

"If you don't really want to play this piece, just say so, Allen... I understand." She gritted his teeth. Why? What was so important in that song that Allen was refusing to play it for her?

Was it Tyki's idea?

Was that their secret theme song?

Jealousy slowly crept on Road.

She hated his cousin. She hated the fact he first met Allen.

"No, I-It's really okay. I'll do it."

And she hated Allen for being overly kind to all. She gripped his fists and stared at the immaculate face in front of her. Allen looked paler than before. His shoulder-length hair was flowing freely, shadowing the left corner of his face. His eyes, which were radiating so much before were now dull and lifeless.

Just like Tyki, Allen wasn't blind yet when Road first met the white haired she grieved just as much as Tyki and everyone who knew Allen here when the young man's eyesight was taken away from him.

...

"How did the piano lesson go?" Tyki asked Allen as he drove the two of them home. The man had called him a few minutes ago and although he felt a pang of happiness for that small gesture, Tyki couldn't help but worry. Allen looked fairly normal but knowing him, that wasn't really much of a never knowing that that kind of attitude was what made him more troublesome. He couldn't understand that people worry about him not because they had to, but because they wanted to. He would probably never understand it but Tyki was adamant on making him recognize his being there and no matter how many times Allen had pushed him aside, he would never let him go.

Allen would always have him and that would never change.

"It's fine," Allen said, smiling. "She was a little bit silent while playing but I guess she was just concentrating."

"She didn't make you play anything?" Tyki carefully asked.

Allen pouted. "As I have thought."

Tyki blinked his eyes were wavering on the road. "W-what do you mean?"

Allen crossed his arms, a weird indication that he was irate, something that rarely happen so it was much scarier. "You said something unnecessary to her again, didn't you?"

Tyki gulped. "I-I was just worrying about you... I mean, I know how much that piece saddens you and... and..."

He pissed Allen. He pissed Allen! Why did he do that? That was really uncalled for. He even upset Elsa by his overzealous way of caring and now, Allen. Damn! Why couldn't he do anything right for once?

Then, he heard Allen laughed.

A hearty laugh.

Tyki abruptly stepped down on the brake. "W-why are you laughing?" he didn't understand. Allen was supposed to be angry at him, fuming man even and yet... he looked so happy.

Tyki bit his lips.

"You're funny, Tyki," Allen beamed. "You're just like a mother hen. Always, always worrying about his chicks," he giggled.

Tyki closed his eyes and sighed. He let his forehead rest on the steering wheel, smiling. Man... Allen almost gave him a heart attack... Damn his temporary mood swings.

"Tyki?" he heard Allen asked as pale hands started to feel his face, his hair. "Are you alright?"

Tyki opened his eyes and stared at those lips and those beautiful white eyes. "I'm fine, stupid... Stop worrying about others." He grabbed Allen's head and pulled it towards his chest. He gently kissed Allen's forehead and closed his eyes. "Worry about yourself, _bakaa..."_

Allen smiled as let himself rest on Tyki's. "Who are you calling _baka, _you _baka?_

Tyki chortled.

"Hey, are you free tomorrow?" he asked, after resuming on driving again after they had been scolded by an angry Sedan driver much to Allen's embarrassment and Tyki's amusement.

Allen nodded. "I guess. Why?"

"I want you to meet my Auntie. Remember her? The one who called you a year ago?"

Allen smiled. "Yes, it's Kagakura-san, right? I would love to meet her."

* * *

_Sorry for not updating for almost a year... I feel bad about that but don't worry, this story is almost at its end and I am planning on ending it soon. Thank you so much for sticking around despite my nasty irregular updates. Hope you like this chapter. Rock on, everyone._


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters.

* * *

He was confused and downright irritated. They've been sitting beside each other for fifteen minutes now but Kanda had never spoke to him even once.

Kojie had bought two tickets just like the bratty bastard had 'requested' and yet he hadn't received any 'thank you' yet.

Amazing nasty brat, that Kanda was.

"What exactly did you forget there, Kanda?" he said, unable to contain his tetchiness.

"I already told you. Something important," was the curt reply that made him want to strangle to man more.

He sighed.

"Like what?"

"A painting."

Kojie was taken aback. "What kind of painting?"

Kanda looked at him and Kojie forgotten that he was supposed to be irritated now. Kanda had that kind of look again... Like he was there but he was not.

Kanda sighed. "Didn't I already tell you? It's an important painting. You are not listening, Kojie."

Kojie decided not to answer and he remained silent to their way back to the island.

He looked outside. The sky was dark.

It seemed like there was a storm coming.

...

"Do you want me to accompany you tomorrow, Allen?" Daisya worriedly asked as he kept on giving Tyki nasty glares. "Who knows where that bastard will take you..."

Tyki was about to retaliate when Allen spoke. He really hated that boy... He was way too smart for his own good.

"Hey... That was mean, Daisya-kun," Allen said while patting the boy on the head. "I was just invited at Kagakura-san's place. You know her, right? She was Tyki's aunt."

A bit of astonishment flashed on the kid's face before he turned his eyes on Tyki who was trying his best not to glare at Daisya at that moment. Kagakura-san was a regular customer at Okumura-san's pizza restaurant. "Eh... That was a surprise, I supposed. I didn't know that kind old lady has a nasty nephew like Tyki."

Tyki snapped. "You know, I am –"

"Hey, hey, hey... Stop it, you two," Allen blurted out even before Tyki could utter his remark.

Allen faced Daisya. "I'll call you if I need help, alright? Or if sensei decided to attack me..." Allen giggled.

"Oi, Allen!" Tyki reddened when the children laughed.

Daisya glared at the doctor. "I'll kill you!"

The kids burst out laughing when Daisya began walking menacingly towards Tyki, ready to pounce at any moment.

Allen, who felt the tension in the air tried to calm the furious kid. He was still laughing.

"I was just kidding, Dais!"

"It's not funny, Allen..." Tyki sighed as he awkwardly shook his head.

...

Allen woke up early that morning.

Tyki made sure of that.

"Are you sure you wanna leave without Daisya's protection?" Tyki amusedly asked after he helped Allen get in his car. The poor lad looked like he was still half-asleep. "Who knows when I will pounce on you, Allen-kun."

Allen smiled. "Shut up, Doc. If that kid hears you, he'll gonna skin you alive, you know?"

Tyki sweat dropped. "Seriously, that kid is furiously scary when it comes to you."

"He's just concerned."

"Yeah, about me pouncing on you," Tyki dryly commented. "Makes sense, really."

That kid was thinking too matured for his liking.

He sighed.

Allen looked puzzled. "But seriously, what do you really mean by _pounce_? Is Daisya afraid you'll gonna get angry at me? But it's not like you so I guess that's impossible... Or Is he afraid you will leave me alone in some deserted place or something like that?"

Tyki sighed. As always, Allen's way of thinking was way too different and naively amusing.

"They don't even make sense, Allen..." Tyki said, shaking his head. He then smiled a bit, thinking how to explain things to the white haired man. Maybe he should already tell Allen about his feelings. "But knowing you, you wouldn't be able to understand it anyway," he muttered almost to himself.

Maybe someday... when everything was in their right place... Then... maybe.

Allen tilted his head in confusion. "Eh? What do you mean by that?"

Tyki smiled.

He playfully tousled Allen's hair. "Nothing."

This was really too much for his heart.

Really, how the hell did he end up hopelessly in love with this naive guy anyway?

...

It took them almost half an hour to get in the resort. Allen looked so excited in meeting his aunt. He had been talking nonstop since they left the church, cradling the paper bag of treats the kids and the nuns gave to them for the people in the resort.

"Can I swim for a bit, Tyki?" Allen asked.

"Sure. But don't you dare jump on the water without me," said Tyki, inwardly smiling.

The people in the resort warmly accepted the two of them and Tyki could tell that they were happy to see Allen, the faceless man he had been talking about a lot of times before when he was here.

"It's so good to finally see you, Allen-kun!"

"So, you're the famous Allen-chan, eh?"

"O my... What a gorgeous young man..."

"He's so thin... Oi, Tyki-pon! Are you sure you are feeding him well?!"

Allen just blushed while scratching his head over and over.

"How come they know me, Tyki?" Allen asked anxiously. Some were even asking him if he already want to eat mitarashii dango, one of his favorite foods.

Tyki feigned innocent by tapping his shoulders. "I don't know. But you're doing great, so don't worry."

Allen was immediately taken away right after he said he wanted to try their cooking.

Tyki was about to head inside, too when he noticed a car parked at the end of the parking lot of the resort. It looked so intimidating. The owner must be loaded, he mused.

He tried asking about the car but the people in the resort were so fixed on making Allen awkwardly shy much to Tyki's amusement. They all went in the kitchen to probably 'fatten him up' just like the old Himura, his aunt's most trusted cook, said while heatedly complaining about Allen's 'weirdly slender body'.

He smiled.

Well, he could ask about it later. For now, he wanted Allen to enjoy the company of these people who were already like a real family to him. It felt so good to see Allen getting along with them.

"Hurry up," Ayako-baachan said to him. "The mistress is waiting for you upstairs. She had some unexpected visitors last night so she ended up sleeping late."

Tyki smiled as he nodded. "It's alright. Thank you, Ayako-baachan."

* * *

**tbc**


End file.
